Losing mum and dad

Hi new to here but I just wanted advice. I lost my dad 10 years ago on my 29th birthday but I’ve not been able to grieve for him then last year I lost my mum 2 days after my birthday still don’t know how to grieve. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I didn’t love them I suffer from mental health so I find it really hard to show my emotions but the problem I’m having is I’m constantly thinking bout them now and it’s been causing me to self harm due to the mental health side of it. Docs have put me back on my tablets but I don’t know if this is due to grieving process seeing as it’s been along time without my dad

Dear Cari82,

It is good that you have come to this site to reach out for support. Losing both parents (I speak from experience) is really hard. Being able to express how we feel and being able to talk about it with people we trust can be really helpful in the grieving process, but it sounds like you are finding that difficult.

The loss of your mum last year may well have brought back the memories of your dad. Lockdown has made it so much harder for people who have lost loved ones to get the help they need , especially if they are on their own for most of the time.

Did you tell your doctor that thinking about your parents is making you self harm? If not, I think you should tell her (or him) so that they can talk with you about what support they could offer in addition to the tablets they prescribed.

If you have never received bereavement counseling I would think that is something worth considering.


Dear cari

I loss my husband suddenly (after 25 wonderful years together) then 9 months later my mum died
I have never grieved for my mum
I think my body knew I couldn’t cope so in my head I have put those emotions in a box
I do know one day it will explode !! And that’s probably what’s happening to you
But like jo says you need support
I had counselling when david died I didn’t think it helped me but my sister said it did
Grief effects us all different and there is no time to say when we should grieve for someone we have loss but please try and not harm yourself would your parents want you to be feeling like this ?
Do you have friends or family that you could talk to when your feeling down
if not come on this site rant and rave but please don’t hurt yourself

Sending my love