Losing mum and the funeral

We lost my mum on 1st October this year. She had been battling Dementia for a couple of years. I found visiting really difficult and would often feel down for days afterwards. Mum died early morning and we weren’t able to say goodbye. The dementia took her speak and we’d not been able to hear her voice for 10 months.
We had rhe funeral on Friday and I spoke. I feel like I made a real mess of the tribute. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I’m really upset wirh myself that I wasn’t able to say what I wanted to the way I wanted it to be. The worst part for me is although we lost my mum years ago, I’ll never have anyone call me their daughter again as we lost my dad 3 years earlier. I don’t see how things can ever get better

Dear @Hs88

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.

Please do not be so hard on yourself for wanting everything to go the way you wanted it to go at the funeral. You are grieving, emotions are high, you are having to stand up and speak to people while keeping it together and saying goodbye to your mum. That is no easy task. I am sure you would have done your mum proud and everyone at the funeral would understand how difficult it would have been for you.

It is very difficult when you lose a parent and in time you learn to accept, they are not coming back. Life changes and so do you and you learn to adjust but you must be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. Grief is journey and not a race, your pace not others.

There is a helpful Grief Guide that helps you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief along with discovering new ways to cope. Also there is information on Supporting Yourself Through Grief which will be of help to you.

You too ca connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by typing the topic in the search bar Losing a Parent, the support is amazing.

You are not alone, and we are all here to support you, please continue to reach out any time. If you would like more information, please email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Take care.


Hello Hs88
Sorry for our loss it is so hard to watch your parent dissapear in front of you over time that you forget about life befor the illness. talk about your good memories of your mom I was talking at my moms funeral but just at the start my voice quivered the uncontrolable tears just overwelmed me and I could not finish. I feel like I messed up too xxx keep taking your you will alway be an amazing daughter to both youf parents xxx