Losing mum

I lost my mum back in October 2018 and finding it hard to cope. I’m an only child and lost my father in April 2000. I feel I never did grieve for my father properly. Losing mum is so much harder and it feels it getting harder to cope . I’m married but feel alone. I need help , thanks …

I’m in a similar situation myself. I lost my mum in January and it’s completely ripped my world apart. Im an only child to. I feel so alone now the funerals over and not one person as asked how I’m doing or if I need help, I don’t really have any family left, I really do understand where your coming from and just want to say I’m here if you want to chat more. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope this site helps as it’s helping me.

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Hi Vinny,

So sorry for your loss. I have had a similar situation to you. My mum died way back in 2010 following 13 plus years of dementia. Dad died suddenly in June (although he was also struggling with dementia). I couldn’t really deal with mum’s death in a normal way because even though she didn’t speak for years, she was still alive - her personality was gone but not the shell. Really difficult situation and I wish I had been offered counselling for it.

Anyway since dad passed I feel like I am grieving properly - it feels kind of healthy, even though it’s not pleasant to go through. Some days I feel overwhelmed and then the next few days I’m a bit emotional. Then I feel more normal. There has been lots of crying. I think I’m also working through my feelings about mum too - it’s hard to know though.

The best thing for me has been talking to a counsellor - it’s great to be able to fully open up in front of someone who won’t judge you. Another thing that has helped is reading about other people’s experiences. It helps me realise this is a normal process and it takes a long time.

You have been grieving 16 months and that is perfectly normal too. Have you considered bereavement counselling? There are also support groups. I also read a book called Overcoming Grief which was helpful. It has lots of practical tips about how to work through your grief. There are also some good TedTalks on YouTube.

When you’re grieving you can feel like you want to shut yourself away, and of course that’s perfectly fine. However we must all take care that we are also socialising enough. You might not feel like the life and soul, but just getting out and about with others is so good. Joining a running or cycling or walking group is a good way to be sociable and get exercise which helps us feel better. ParkRun has groups all over the U.K. and google can no doubt help with this kind of info.

Hope that helps. Take care.