Losing Mum

Hello, I’m new to the forum.

I lost my Mum on Friday, suddenly and unexpectedly. She lived is Spain so was cremated 24hours after she passed. As I live in England it means I could be there! I’m totally lost! I can’t get over the fact I’ll never be able to share my thoughts feelings ans news with her, nor will I hear hers!

Dear angelac,

This must be so hard for you, not only did you lose your mum so suddenly, but you did hardly have time to deal with hearing the news of her passing before her body was cremated. It must all feel so unreal. It sounds like you two were very close, despite the distance. My parents lived in the Netherlands, and I would phone them at least once a week. I still miss our chats.

I hope that you have someone you can share your feelings with and who can support you. It is good that you have come to this site where you will find others who have had to cope with the loss of a loved one and who will understand what you are going through.

Sending you a virtual hug at this sad and difficult time.


Thank you Jo,

I haven’t really even begun to process the situation as Dad needs support to sort things (Mum did everything!) I finally sorted out his phone and he’s managed to speak to the bank about getting access to his account! Now he just needs to wait for someone to help him get the legal paperwork sorted! We have arranged for a charity to advise him on what to do as we can’t go out there! Mum and I were close ( despite a sometimes rocky relationship) and spoke weekly/fortnightly on the phone. However, we WhatsApped almost daily! It’s this that I’m missing! It meant that I felt her presence and as thoughts came up during the day I would share them! I had a mammogram the day she died and would normally talk it through afterwards, but by the time I got home she was gone! Because I was out in the morning, she didn’t tell me how she was feeling! It’s the thought that I never will that’s the hardest to deal with!

It must be so hard for your poor dad too. Its good that you could help him with his phone and that you found a charity to help him. Not being able to get there must add extra stress to your grief, Have your parents lived in Spain for some time, and have they made some friends there who can support him?
Are you an only child or do you have siblings? I am fortunate to have 3 sisters and 1 brother and we all helped each other, both with emotional support and with lots of practical things. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I had been on my own. In the Netherlands funerals have to take place within 5 working days, and I found that too soon, so I can’t get my head around the fact that in Spain they do it in 24-48 hours.
Please feel free to post on here as often as you want to. You can also send me a private message if you prefer that. I always try to reply the same day. Take care and be kind to yourself.

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Hi Angela,

I am really sorry for your loss, I bet it’s really hard. The situation is very similar to mine, my mom died a few months ago, it was unexpected and I couldn’t fly to her funeral. Our relationship was quite similar to yours, we would always send messages or photos or news. Sometimes we would fight, but most of the times we would miss each other.

I have attached an image, one of the jokes that we would make. Please take care of yourself, if you need to talk to someone, I am close by. Also, it might be useful to write about your emotions.

Sending hugs!


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