Losing mum

I lost my dear mum November 2020 she passed within a week of diagnosis due to Covid restrictions me and my family couldn’t visit her until she had had a bleed on the brain due to a newly discovered tumour and fell unconscious. The last time I spoke to her and saw her was the night before the bleed on the brain and she FaceTimed me in tears saying how scared she was and was begging us to come…it’s so harrowing and the shock of her passing is still so present…I feel so guilty still that we couldn’t go to her to comfort her in her last conscious hours. She was such a big part of my life and she was helping me rebuild my life after divorce from my husband of 17 years…there is such a gaping hole she left and I’m constantly sad and tearful…I’m looking after my dad who is in his 80s he is so lost without her…how do you move on I just can’t…

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Hi Beadlam, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum, you are not alone in your experience, there have been so many people unable to be with loved ones at the end, I know that doesn’t make it any better for you, you did your very best for your Mum at the time, so please don’t feel guilty as it was out of your hands, you just have to take a day at a time, some days will be better than others, the same applies to your Dad, there is no right or wrong way to get through this, be kind to yourself, sending love Jude x

Hi,beadlam sorry to hear about your dear mum, its so hard isn’t it I lost my mum in July this year, cared for her at home for the last 6 weeks, I still can’t believe she has gone, im so lost & feel guilty shes not here, my dad is still with us and hes 85 & although he’s been so strong throughout it all at Times he seems lost too, how do we get through it? I know I’ll never be the same person as I was, I’ve cried every day since she passed away, I’ve been in touch with cruse bereavement and they put me on a waiting list should be about 5 weeks, have you thought about counselling? This site is amazing as there are lots of people going through the same so they understand and it’s nice to chat & not feel like your the only one feeling the way you do, it’s a long road we are all travelling down, hopefully we can help each other along, keep in touch, hope your ok
Lynn x

Hi beadlem1,

Please don’t feel you have to move on. I’m at the first anniversary of my Mum’s death and just realising how early days it is. I do remember at even 2-3 months though feeling somehow that I should be ‘feeling better’…crazy isn’t it? There’s a lot of pressure out there and within ourselves to keep ‘making progress’/ positive thinking etc. But as I’m sure you know, some things are too overwhelming for that and all we can do is try and meet our needs in small ways, in these early days.

The guilt is like torture - I was there when my Mum actually died but the hospital didn’t contact us for the first few hours when she had started to slip away. And so she was calling out for us and we didn’t know because they didn’t tell us. And by the time we raced there she couldn’t speak anymore.

I know I’ll carry this pain and anger with me for the rest of my life. But I’m trying to remember all the time that I did my very best. Because we loved each other.

I can hear how much you love your Mum. Please try and give yourself as much time and care as possible, even when the guilt comes crashing in. x

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