Losing Mum

I lost my Mum in June of this year and I am really not coping well. The only family I have left is a sister, but she is not speaking to me because of issues with my Mum’s will. I am 50 years old and have never married or had children, so in many ways, my Mum was the centre of my world. I cannot come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to talk to her or ask her advice ever again. I am finding that I rely on drinking far too much to dull the pain, even though I know that doesn’t help at all. I also cannot stop smoking, even though I promised my Mum that I would. I cannot see any positives to this situation and also find it quite hard to think of things to make life worth living. I am so lonely and can’t see anything good in my future - will life always be this bleak? I wish I could be more positive about all this and have a lot less self pity but I just can’t seem to pull myself out of it.

Oh Sam, I’ve just read your post, and I could instantly feel the overwhelming sadness and unbelievable heartache that you must be going through right now. The tragic loss of your Mum is very recent and still a massive shock and the overwhelming pain of losing someone so very close is indescribable. Trying even to make any sense of the excruciating waves of emotions that grief brings is impossible and suffering grief is anything but normal.

Just getting by from one day to the next for me sometimes feels impossible and even pointless.
My Mum passed away March, suddenly.
I can connect with so much of what you’ve written in your post personally. I still care for my Dad who has advanced dementia. They were married for 65 years and he doesn’t even remember her.
I’m a similar age to yourself and my Mum was my best mate and closest and most precious thing in my life.
I so understand the feelings of loneliness and almost isolation too as I’ve just got Dad left now and most days he doesn’t even really know who I am now and unable to hold a simple conversation. I know it’s not ideal but I drink most evenings usually just to knock myself out.
This website has helped quite a lot by being able to share thoughts and feelings and somehow connected to others going through similar experiences.

You just cope the best way that you feel you can right now ok Sam? You have to do whatever you think works best for you personally to get through this painful time.

My heart goes out to you and I hope yours can begin healing again soon.

Take care of yourself,

I’m hear if you want to chat to someone.

Malcolm (Minty)

Hello Minty,

Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum and for the situation with your Dad, Dementia is so cruel - I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

Take good care of yourself Minty, I am sure that we will find things in life that make it worth living. As hard as things seem at the moment, I keep telling myself that things will get better - they have got to!

Best wishes to you and try to keep strong (but don’t worry too much if that is impossible).

Sam

Thank you too Sam. You’re right. I think life generally feels like it’s out to get us right now, but yes, somehow in time the feeling of being ruled by it’s cruel adgenga must fade eventually surely.
Thank you for your very kind words.
Take care Sam,
Wishing you light, love and much strength always,
Mal, (Minty)

Thanks Mal,

If you ever need a chat or to unload, please feel free to get in touch.

Take care of yourself,

Sam

Dear Sam and Minty

You are both still at a very raw stage with the loss of your Mums. I am coming up to the first anniversary of my Mum passing away and know just how awful those first few months are. I was never warm at first, spent the whole summer wearing a thick cardigan and shivering. It wasn’t until i was told i was suffering from shock that i realised why. The feelings of disbelief, the never ending crying, all so dreadful. I lived with my Mum and the sudden realisation i would never hear her voice again or her laugh was devastating.

All you can do is take one day at a time, get up, try and eat something, do whatever you can to get through the day. A little treat to look forward to each week worked for me or a treat because i had managed to get through the day without a meltdown of crying or just because…

I am not going to say it gets easier, it is just different now and I have accepted the situation. One thing I was told that if you don’t want to do something just say that you don’t want to if asked. You are number one in your life so look after yourselves and stand no nonsense.

Take care both of you
Mel

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Hi Mel,

Thanks for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss.

It is good to know that things do get easier as time goes on, although I’m sure that you never truly get over your loss. At the moment I am not dealing with things well, but I am sure that this will change over time. I am just doing what I can to get through each day, I will try and change things in the future when I am feeling stronger.

Thank you for your advice and take care of yourself,

Best wishes,

Sam

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