Losing mum

Hi I tried the online counselling assessment only could last half an hour instead of an hour it’s to hard when your burnt out just feel don’t know if it’s for me feel so overwhelmed just want to sleep but can’t head racing grieving time tonight

Hi I listened to advice tried the assessment on this website feel worse than I was before I started it.

Hi Butterfly12

Well done for giving it a go. Tonight is probably too soon to decide if it helped or not. Personally I find counselling very emotional and draining but the day after ever so slightly lighted. It’s like I just need to get all the upsetting thoughts out before they eat me up.

My fingers are crossed you feel a bit stronger tomorrow.

Ups and downs…but we’ll done for giving it a go.

Ann xx

Hello Butterfly

Like Ann said, at least you have given it a try, it can be draining initially but I hope you may feel better for talking, the aim is to try and find something that helps you.

For me, yoga helps, especially with my breathing when I have really bad days together with walking - I also listen to music in my headphones, just helps to occupy my mind - I often wake in the middle of the night and constantly think about my mum - sometimes listening to music then helps me a little.

Try and take each day as it comes and not to think too far ahead as that can be overwhelming …

xx

Hello Ann

Losing your parents so close together must have been so awful for you, I cannot imagine that - I had a few years in between mum and dad. Although my dad had dementia at 65 and was gone within 5 years, although it was hard to say goodbye, we lost him a long time before if that makes sense ….

Something happened yesterday, and I thought to myself, I must speak to mum about that knowing she would have some good advice - then it hit me all over again …. I wonder how long it takes until that no longer happens?

I can relate to what you said about upsetting thoughts and how they can eat you up …… that is a good way of putting it and for me it is at times just taking baby steps - enjoying the better days and taking care/being kind to yourself on the bad days.

Take care

Hatty xx

Hi I’ve found I have a lot of what ifs to I’ve wrote them down and then gone through each one then I’ve wrote a letter back to my mum it helps hope it helps.

Hi Hatty and Butterfly12

I must appologise for my predictive text. Just re read a few things I wrote!

I’m sorry you had to deal with dementia Hatty. Life is so cruel at times. I too turn to yoga! It really helps me focus on the here and now. Not the past or the future which are often too hard to think about.

I keep getting those moments too when all you want to do is speak to your mum :frowning: nothing replaces her at those times. At other stronger times, I just ask myself what she would say in that situation and I can usually imagine exactly what she would have said. She and my dad made me who I am so I hope the answers are always in me somehow when I need them. Not sure if that makes any sense at all but not much does at the moment!

I’ve tried writing things down too Butterfly12. It helps me too, as again, it is a way to just get what is eating you up inside out in the open so that’s great you are trying that too. Xx

I totally agree Hatty. Just take one moment at a time when things get too much. And they will. But then the next day may be slightly better… Who knows.

It is nice to chat to people that understand :slight_smile:

Be kind and patient with yourselves. I think our journey in grief will take some time…

Ann xx

Hi I keep having dreams my mum’s alive then wake up feeling so lost and thinking my mind can’t accept it still can’t believe she’s not alive then know feel burnt out with life

Hello Hatty

Sorry to take so long to reply and thank you for your kind words.
Am in a very dark place at the moment - still caring for mum and we still have no proper decision agnosis or prognosis. Seeing consultant on Weds but I know she has all the symptoms of something which has progressed quite far and is going downhill. I sit by her bed at night utterly terrified.
My partner has completely closed down from me. He seems to alternate between coldness and being angry with me for not ‘dealing with it better’. He never hugs me or asks how I feel.
My kids are playing up - I know they are sad and anxious too.
I have one brother who I love but he’s not able to come very often as he has a wife who has depression, a small child and a job.
Friends seem to have disappeared, except one who is helping me on email - she is chronically ill herself and mostly housebound.
I feel lonely, frightened and sad all the time. My partner’s response has really shocked me and I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. He won’t even talk about it and just gets angry.
I’m so afraid of losing mum and feel I’m going to lose him too.

Hello Butterfly, sorry I have not been online until now …. that must be so very upsetting for you. I can relate to the feeling of not believing that mum has gone and the overwhelming anxiety that can bring if you think too much about it or too far ahead.

I found writing in a journal very helpful on the darker days, I write it in such a way it is like I am talking to her - writing down how I am feeling together with my thoughts, and things I would like to say to her - I even sometimes wrote poems ……

For me it is finding things to help me to cope at those very difficult/dark times.

I hope you are feeling a little better xx

Hello Angela

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time, you need to feel supported, it is so important at times like this, although some people just find it too difficult to deal with. Just being open and honest at times like this is so important for everyone, but I know that is easier said than done when dealing with so much and juggling so many different balls.

It may help on Wednesday when you see the consultant to know and hopefully understand what you are facing …. although hard, in my experience it is sometimes better than the not knowing.

Could you get any counselling to help support you though this time, as you need to feel supported and in turn that will help you to support your mum. I think they offer support on this site …… or you could speak to the hospital about help when you see them.

Sending hugs at this very difficult time x

Sorry not been communicating finding it hard tried for counselling on sue ryder.wont help me said go to doctors .first week without crying on a Thursday.realy hard feel I’m not grieving.

Hi I feel so drained not been on the forum for weeks doesn’t seem to be any help out there .to burn out with life to even face things.feel guilty when not crying

Hi everyone,
I am deeply sorry for all your loses and with you.
I lost my mom very suddenly, on Oct. 24th and I am still in shock. We were soulmates…
my dad died two years ago, while I was pregnant with my daughter and I had to be strong for my mom and the baby.
I feel like I am losing my mind…
Thanks for reading this xx
Mira

Hello Butterfly

Sorry to hear that you are still struggling so much, have you taken their advice? Maybe you need to explore all avenues to help you to go through this awful time, there really is no right or wrong, just find anything that helps you.

I myself have had a few bad weeks again, sometimes it feels like one step forward and then 2 steps back! But I do have good days which helps me to get through the bad days.

I hope things improve for you soon x

Hello Angela

Just thinking of you and wondered how you were x

Hello Mira

Sorry to hear of your loss and I know all too well what a shock it can be, but even worse I would imagine when not expected. I too have lost my dad, and understand that it is especially difficult when they have both gone …. you clearly have a very young family that is relying on you so that must be very difficult for you.

Hang in there, do not put too much pressure on yourself and just try and take each minute, hour and day as they come, it amazes me even now 7 months on, how many emotions I can go through in just one day! Do whatever helps you to get through as said before, there is no right or wrong.

This site is a lovely safe place where you can just let go and say what you need to and reading the posts of others makes you realise that you are not alone, however much you may feel that way at times.

Sending hugs x

Dear Hatty,
Thank you so much for your kind words and support and so sorry for your loss.
I believe death is not final and their spirits are with us, we just have to learn to connect with them. But the void left is deep and nobody will fill it up.
Thank God for my little one, she helps me a lot. I hope you are not alone in your grief. Always here to listen,
M