My mum got renal cancer 2 and a half years ago, she had her kidney out, but it spread, there was a lot of lack of care from her cancer hospital but that is another story for another time. My mum passed away 3 weeks ago, i cared for her throughout but mainly the last year where i took a careers break (im so glad i did) her wish was to die at home with family surrounding her. However it was quite traumatic (i have witnessed death before with my nan who also had cancer and she went pracefully in her sleep) my mum was very agitated for quite some hours and the last 30 minutes was awful. She did not die peacefully (i will not.delve further) i just wanted to say at this moment in time i dont want people saying “it will be ok.with time” and the usual sayings that go.with grief. My mum was my everything, and she was only 59. I feel so robbed and everything feels so.wrong. Although we was prepared, everything still feels so strange. I dont want to.do.anything without her…my.kids are only 10 and 14. And i get angry that everyone has there.mum.in my.family. and that my nan (mums mum) is still here and has seen her grandkids have kids…this is just me venting, we also lost my grandad to cancer 3 days after my mum (my dad lost his wife of 40 years and dad) so hes is having it worse then me, im on and.off staying.with my.dad and being in his company more than i am.at home ,so i feel torn again cus i feel.guilty not spending time with the kids (my partner has been taking a lot of care for them) but i feel so sad for.my dad being g alone
From your write up I feel 
but with God by us every time I believe he will see you this dark period my heart felt condolences
Thankyou for your kind words im sorry though im an athiest
No problems at all will always stand for every human religious wise 
Hi. My parents were only young also both 63 when they passed.
I know what you mean about the easier with time thing people say. It was my mums 1 year anniversary last week and it still stings like it was yesterday. I think I’m just learning to cope better and wear the mask of I’m ok thanks for asking better. Work helps and distracts and I hope you find your distraction too.
It’s ok to feel resentment and jealousy wj n others talk about parents just don’t let it overwhelm you
Take care of yourself xx
I lost my Mam in October, the circumstances were different but was with her night and day the week before she passed. I was in shock even though we knew all that week what was going to happen. Nothing seemed real. Totally bereft and heart broken. I always loved her but never realised how much. I think about her all of the time and am constantly reminded of her. My Mam was a massive influence in my life, I miss her, I know it’s impossible but I just want her back.
I went back to work end of Feb that was a mistake I feel totally lost and sit at my desk fighting back tears, trying to mask my emotions. I don’t think I will ever recover.
I can’t think of any wise words to offer you but I have found writing on the forum very helpful. Reading everyone’s posts makes me feel less alone.
Take care
I feel the same, my Mum died a month ago from cancer and the 2 weeks before she died was traumatic. Mum was confused, hallucinating and agitated. I was with her until she passed away. I miss her so much, she was my best friend. I feel lost and lonely and I can’t stop crying . I don’t know how I can cope without her.
Hey Tez,
I feel your pain thru the message. I relate to this heavily as I too lost my mum to cancer & was her carer. I lost her 7 months ago, she too was my everything I have severe separation anxiety from her.
I don’t say this to make it about myself cause it is about you right now. From “experience” if you wanna call it, you’re right it doesn’t get easier you just get used to not being able to turn to her.
I wish I could offer advice but like I said it doesn’t really get better you just find other people to turn to. That void will always be there, I find making everything I do to honour mums memory helps.
I started a company in her name so that is taking up my time everyday it distracts me from thinking about her being gone and replacing it with the infinite need to make her proud everyday.
Find ways to keep your mum in your everyday life, talk about her, talk too her (if you believe in religion, spirituality etc), spend time with people who knew her, make a project to honour her to keep her name and legacy alive.
You came to the right place this platform is incredible.
I truly wish you the best, sending you virtual hugs
Claire x
My condolences it’s well just for the fact you could send this write up it means you will be good very soon just believe and stay strong