What you went through and are still going through is absolutely awful. Life is so precious and it’s taken for granted. To lose a child and to be able to do nothing is horrific. I am so sorry for your loss of Daniel.
Helen
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Dear Helen, I find this very strange though I am Marina2… I am not the person you addressed this post to, hence the 2 in my name…,but none of that matters for like you I also lost my youngest son in Dec 2017 in very similar circumstances as yourself for it was on Monday the 4th December I woke up with such fright and panic fearing something was wrong with Christian our son,I woke my husband asked him to to go to his flat to see if he was okay,I could not go with him for fear of what we would find and when my husband phoned me he told me that he had found him on the floor unconscious and when the paramedic’s came they confirmed he was dead. I will never forget that moment it was like everything had gone out of my life nothing mattered anymore and all I could think was,no matter how long I live I will never see him again.
When we had the post mortem they said he had died from arrythmia,.I know when this type of death happens to you all you can think of is there were no goodbye’s no telling them how much you loved them and most of al were they frightened did they know what was happening …
I know exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.It’s a long road you are on ,but I promise you given time you will start to feel a little better it’s just step by step.
It’s now four years and five months since we lost Christian,I think about him every day,I talk to him everyday and I miss him everyday always will,…there are still tears but not quite as often,he still is our lovely son and he will always be with us.
I’m thinking of you,I will always be here if you want a chat.take care . with love Marina2.xxx
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Hello Marina,
I am so sorry not to have replied straight away. As you will understand only too well how difficult life is now.
I beat myself up knowing that Tom was here all that time while I was at work. I have the questions going through my head , did he know, did he call out ,was he in pain etc. We are no nearer finding the cause.
On Tuesday I was asked how many children did I have, I was lost…
I hope people talk to you still about your son Christian.
Your love for your son still shines brightly as it always will.
I’m sorry I can’t say much more as I’m still trying to process what has happened. It means a lot that you have replied so thank you again. Helen
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Hi Helen, Yes I know exactly how you are feeling and just reading your post has me in tears for it takes me back four years ago to when Christian died, and that desolate feeling of pure isolation, dreading the future without your son by your side and not knowing how or if you can cope with the future ahead of you…and then comes the if’s…if I had done this or if I had done that, believe me those if’s still stay with me today…
It’s along road ahead ,and without even realising it starts getting a little easier, I remember one night watching TV and where as before never really interested but this night I found my laughing…I was so ashamed of myself.and it was then I knew I had to start living not just for me but my family.
When anyone ask’s me how many children I have, I proudly say two son’s for Christian is still is our family ,we talk about him a lot,and laugh at some of the antics he used to get up to.
Life, without you even realising it, will get easier, it will never be the same and we would not expect it too…take it step by step don’t ask to much of yourself,and when you feel able to, try and keep your mind occupied…
This site as been my saviour there are so many of us who have lost adult children,and we can all understand just how each of us are feeling,keep posting it helps so much.
Thinking of you…Marina xxx
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Hi marina. I’m sarah. I lost my 20 year old son James nearly 7 weeks ago on my birthday. Sadly he had a progressive neurological condition that started in his teens and got worse overtime. I’m absolutely devastated even though I’d done quite a lot of grieving over the last couple of years and James were 24/7 care last couple of years. I know how you must feel. When I’m out driving I seem to go around the places James likes it makes me feel closer to him. We can only get through one day at a time. Big hugs x