Losing my 22 year old brother

In December it will be 2 years since his sudden death and in a few weeks he would have been turning 24. I wasn’t sure whether to post but as the weeks turn to months and months to years it doesn’t get easier and I feel the need to connect with people more and more that are in similar situations. There’s little to non that I have found on losing a young sibling and although no age is a good age to lose someone at the age of 29 I cannot imagine the rest of my life without him and all the things he misses and will continue to miss. I desperately seek those who may understand my pain a little more.

Hi Jen, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, I completely understand what you’re going through, my brother died in April 2016 and the pain I feel is as strong today as it was when he died, I also struggle daily knowing I will never see him again, he was 49 and I was 46 when he died, I was blessed to share so many years with him but I wonder if the emptiness I feel will ever pass. Much love Bun xx

Dear Jen, My heart goes out to you. I lost my younger beloved sister in May of this year and a part of me died that day too. I agree that the thought of years on without them will be too much to bear. I am the older sister and keep asking, why her and not me? My sister passed on after a year of doing well with cancer, that took an unexpected turn within a few days, so I relate to the shock of “sudden death,” you speak of. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you will find some solace here. I will listen and share any time you need someone who can understand the impact losing a brother or sister has on one’s life and future. Take care.

So sorry Iced Bun, I also keep wondering if the emptiness will ever pass. The void is tremendous and so hard to go on knowing it will always be there.

I’m so sorry you’re suffering as I am, I too feel sometimes that I don’t know how to go on, it’s been very difficult for my children to see me so crushed by grief and I keep going for them, I admit there are times I don’t want to but I know I have to.

One of the hardest things for me has been my friends lack of understanding, within a year of my brother’s death they were telling me I had to move on and look to the future, in the end I stopped talking to them and I’ve isolated myself and become very lonely. It’s so hard when nobody understands, so it’s great to have found this forum for support and to give support.

I’m thinking of you and sending big love and hugs
Bun xx

Hi Jen, do you have any other siblings? I wonder how your parents are coping? Do you have supportive friends? I really hope you are not coping with this alone. Love Bun xx

Hi sister, as I asked Jen I wonder if you have any other siblings? How are your parents coping? Do you have supportive friends? I really hope you are not going through this alone. Love Bun xx

Hello Bun, How are you getting on? Thank you for your reply. Yes I have one other sibling, but sadly she is not supportive, in fact she has made my grief and pain even worse by the insensitive things she said and did in the few months after my loss. She did not share the bond I had with my sweet younger sister (and she was often envious of my relationship with my younger sib.) Sadly both parents are gone (my mother 6 years ago to lung cancer). My younger sister and I held each other up through our parent’s illnesses and deaths. Other than friends who are kind but have their own lives, and some distant relatives, I will say I am very much alone. I agree with you that people can be quite awkward and say the most hurtful things to us. I am still shocked by how uncomfortable some people are with grief. I stopped talking about my loss at work, and now I am very selective whom I share with (self protection I’d say). Coming here has been so helpful, and I check in almost every day for myself but also to help others. Warm caring thoughts go out to you. Sister2

Hello Bun,
I haven’t lost a sibling, but my husband and my dad within 6 months of each other. The pain has been worse than anything I could ever imagine. I have only a few family members.This has meant that a lot of my support has had to come from close friends. In the early days of my loss, people were very solicitors and kind, offering lots of help and support. Now I have just one very close friend. We go out together, and she looks out for me, and she is always there when I need someone to talk to. Others seem to have forgotten that I am still grieving for my loss, and have simply got on with their own lives. I, too, am lonely and miss my dad and my husband more than I can ever say. I have worked hard to build a new life for myself, joining a couple of clubs and making new friends and acquaintances. The one thing I can’t seem to do though, is sit and read a book. I have been a great reader all my life, but just can’t seem to settle to it anymore. This forum is a wonderful, safe place for you talk about your feelings and experiences, and you will always find lots of support here from people who have been through the loss of a loved one. Take care, Jayne xxx

I haven’t posted anything for a couple of days as I have been wondering if this forum is the right thing for me at the stage I have got to in my grief. It’s two and a half years since my wonderful kind, gentle and very funny brother died, I still yearn for him every day and there will always be a void in my life but I am trying very hard to concentrate on what I have rather than what I’ve lost.

I’ve been doing spiritual meditation (on YouTube) which has helped me reconnect with my brother and I do positive affirmations every morning. I appreciate many here may not be ready for this or even able to engage with these types of meditation I’m just saying what I’ve found helpful.

I really hope everyone here finds the comfort and support they need, but for me it’s taken me back in my grief and recovery. I’ve always had to do things for myself and this seems to be the best way for me.

Sending love and comfort.
Over and out.
Iced Bun xxxx

Hello Iced Bun,
Sharing on a forum like this is not for everyone. I too prefer to do things in my own way, and have found that by following my heart and head, I have been able to move along slowly carefully. Yes, I do love and miss my husband enormously, and there are times when the grief wave hits me and really rocks my world. But one of the last things he said to me was that he Didn’t want our home to become a shrine to him, that he wanted me to live my life and also hoped that I’d find someone else, even if only for companionship. It’s funny, but I had a Tarot reading a couple of weeks ago, and the cards showed that there is a man with me who is telling me to go out and live my life - I believe this is my husband. So don’t be afraid to count your blessings and live a full and rich life. Remember your brother, he will always be with you. And if you feel you no longer need the support of the forum, that’s fine and good. If you need to chat, you can always message me. With good thoughts and feelings for your future, Tulabelle xx

Thank you for your message I am so sorry for your loss. I have to say after two years I feel like it is getting harder to cope with but I hope that won’t be the same for you. I also feel like why him and not me, being older I feel I should have protected him even though it was not possible. I just feel I got more time and he should have had that too.
Today I find it hard to put things in to words.

Hi Iced Bun, I am also sorry for your loss. I too find it isn’t getting easier with time. If anything it gets harder to comprehend.

Hi have two other siblings, we were all close to him in our different ways and I think we all deal with it very differently. My parents are doing very well considering but it is very difficult under the circumstances and pressure shows its cracks.
Friends are great but I’m not sure how anyone can understand loss like this without feeling it and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Yes me too, really crudy day today, I just want to stay in bed, it’s so tiring putting on a brave face, I feel exhausted. But the sun is shining and I have to walk my daughters dog later, probably a good thing!..

Hi Jen, both my parents have died so luckily for them they don’t have to cope with this. I have a brother and a sister, my sister lives nearby which is great but my brother lives in Sweden which sucks, we are on a low income so can’t afford to visit and with his work and family commitments he can’t visit the UK very often. I feel in a way I’ve lost both my brothers.

I am lucky I have my sister nearby and we support each other, both my parents have died and my eldest brother lives in Sweden so very rarely see him which I find very difficult. I’m finding it hard to accept my family of 6 is now down to 3. Quite honestly most of my friends have been rubbish, I never hear from them and when I reach out to them they tell me to move on and I can’t grieve forever etc. I’m feeling very frustrated.

Sorry about your friends letting you down Bun. I experienced the same after my mother died, and now after losing my sister this year. I also relate to the dwindling of family. You are lucky to still have your sister nearby. I am glad you can support each other, as my younger sister did with me before her death. I find we must be selective whom we share our grief with. It is so true that you find out who your “true” friends really are when you go through a crisis. I find the people on this site offer more kindness and understanding than many others in my daily life. Thinking of you. Xx

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