I lost my beautiful baby sister to cancer 8 months ago. She was my best friend. I feel so stuck. I can’t go through grief properly because im still so traumatised by caring for her and watching her decline, have surgeries, go through chemo and radiation. But worst of all i had to watch as she was told she had 6/18 months to live. She managed 16 months, and left behind four babies all under 8. I don’t know how to help myself and be the best i can for her kids who have a great father but i promised her i would be there for them but i feel like a failure. It overwhelms. All of it. Even meeting my own needs is overwhelming i struggle every day with everything and its not getting any better with time
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Hello @Kellysbigsis,
I’m Seaneen, one of the community moderators. I’m so sorry about your baby sister. Sadly, you’re not alone. Many of our members have experienced the loss of a sister. You might find it helpful to read some of the posts in our losing a sibling category.
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful as you cope with the loss of your sister.
- Our Losing a sibling support page
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Take good care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
Hi @Kellysbigsis, I’m so very sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. It’s so difficult and feels so wrong to lose a sibling, especially to illness. I lost my sister recently as a result of an autoimmune disorder and renal failure. People say there can be some solace in knowing that your loved one is at peace and no longer dealing with the immense day-to-day difficulties of being ill. I find that on some days this thought can help a little, but it will never be enough to compensate for the loss. I empathise completely with wanting to be there for your sister’s children, but also finding it overwhelming. For me, it is still very emotionally challenging to be there for my nephew. But I would try to be kind to yourself, and recognise that this is an immense loss for you, and that focusing on your own grief process can be okay. I’m sure that knowing you care and are thinking of them is a comfort to your sister’s children. For the moment, focusing efforts on self-care like eating & sleeping well and spending time outdoors, even just one of those things to start, might help as you continue to work through this difficult time. 
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Hi Kellys Big Sis, your message resonates with me as my 28 year old son died last October from brain cancer. He too had surgeries, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. A long hard fight for him and us. Now I have only one son aged 35. I miss my youngest son terribly but think that if I don’t make the best of life, despite the gaping hole in my heart, I would not be honouring my sons memory. Sometimes it doesn’t seem real. Keep going… xxxxx
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There are no words as you have already been told, there are no condolences that will make you feel better, but please believe me, I feel all of them for you. I don’t mean to be heartless and cruel but there is no other way, nothing and no one can help, you are in a world you never knew existed, and all things change from here. Everything you have ever known has changed now, it’s a new life you will be living. I have no solutions to your pain, all I have and all I can offer is this, in your deepest, darkest moments, cling on to and hold the thought that the love in your heart for your sister goes beyond anything possible. My lover, my soulmate committed suicide 7 months ago, it seems like yesterday, I am in so so much pain it is beyond imagination, and please believe me, I feel your pain. xx
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