Losing my beautiful boy

I lost my son a week before Christmas. There was no sign that my son would ever end is own life and we were very close as his father died in 2009 and I had been bringing both him and his younger sister up on my own. They are my greatest joy and achievement; to bring up 2 healthy happy and decent human beings. I am so proud of them. I spent the whole of 2018 undergoing treatment including chemo for breast cancer. I am at the moment still undergoing radiotherapy. The pain of losing my boy is unbearable. I should be planning a hol/celebration for his 21st birthday on the 2nd February instead I am trying to get my head round organising a funeral. How do I get through this? I have fantastic friends who are supporting me for which I shall be always grateful but the pain I feel at times is too much to bear. My heart is broken and I can not get the way he died and the pain he must have been feeling out of my head. I want to scoop him up in my arms and hold him to keep him safe. This seems so cruel. He had his whole life ahead of him; he had plans; he talked about being a dad one day. I loved just being around him and see him everywhere. Everything is a painful reminder of the immense loss. I need to be strong in front of my daughter. I don’t have parents or siblings that can support us and share The grief we feel. I just wanted a little happiness and for my kids to be safe and secure. I feel scared for the future. Can anyone give me any coping therapies as I am just so anxious waiting for the next bomb shell to drop as I know from experience that it will. I send my love out to everyone struggling with loss and wish you the strength to carry the weight on your shoulders. Thank you for listening

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I am so sorry that you have lost your son. Very tough. I am glad you have good friends to support you.
It is such early days for you and you will be in shock while you do everything you have to do. All I can say really is that somehow you will get through it. Goodness knows how but we all do.
I understand how you feel scared for the future. Something as dreadful as this makes you feel fragile and vulnerable. However, for now let the future take care of itself and just get through each day.
Sending you hugs xx

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So sorry for your loss. It’s been almost 9 months for me. It’s so very hard. My other children lost their big brother and then their dad 6 ninths later. So glad to see the back of 2018. Please message me if you need a shoulder. Dawn x

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I have just read your post and I’m so sorry to hear about you losing your boy. I lost my 18 year old boy in January in a car accident, I feel so sad, lost and absolutely heartbroken. Did you manage to do something on his birthday? I dread Sam’s, he would have been 19 in April and we have arranged to have a memorial bench put up with a tree in a special place on his birthday, its the only way I feel I can get through the day. I haven’t written a birthday card since the day I lost him because I can’t bear to leave his name off, what have you done? I totally understand you not being able to get the bad things out of your head because I’m the same, I can’t remember the good times at the moment because the bad things seem to be overshadowing them. I also know what you mean when you say you are waiting for the next bombshell to drop because this is how I feel, I too have lost both my parents and also my twin sister. Im so sorry that I cannot help you at the moment but I too am absolutely heartbroken. All I can say is, I know how you feel and I’m sending you hugs x

Im so sorry x I too lost my Husband suddenly in 2012 and my 14 year old Son last year x

Hi Deli thank you for your message and so sorry to hear that you too have lost a son, Sam. Our boys were so young with their whole lives ahead of them and it feels so unfair and cruel that they will miss out on so much. I feel cheated out of my future too as we should have had so much to look forward to. It was not easy to bring them up on my own after their father died almost 10 years ago and there were times I struggled at not having anyone to share the responsibility and the pride as they grew into kind decent well grounded adults. Now I feel any chance of happiness has been wiped out and I don’t understand how I am meant to live the rest of my life without him. I literally ache with longing for him and I think of him all the time and find it hard to focus and even simple tasks seem impossible at times. Do you have any other children? My daughter turned 19 the day after he died and I wonder what legacy he has left her by doing what he did. Every birthday/Xmas will be forever a struggle and life in general seems just about getting through each day. I am just existing not living although I do try and do things and keep busy and focus on my daughter. I have just taken on 2 miniature daschunds as my daughter has always wanted a dog. They are very cute and am hoping that she will keep her promise of sharing the responsibility although I realise that I shall have my work cut out. When is Sam’s birthday? I hope you are able to get through the day and remember happier times at some point although it is so difficult as still so early on in this new life we have to endure. The bench is a lovely idea and hopefully will bring some comfort and a place where you can talk to him. My son would have turned 21 on 2nd February and that was the day we held his memorial in tribute and so am glad we did. There were 100’s of people and obviously a lot of youngsters who really needed to come together to remember him. One good thing about this is the way his friends are all supporting each other and being open about their feelings. His friends wanted to carry his coffin at his funeral and I know at some point I shall be able to look back on the photos and take comfort that he had such good friendships. Thank you again for your message it certainly helps to know that there are other people who can understand the crushing unbearable pain of losing a child although I wish no one had to experience it. I am on my way to the Isle of Wight to visit friends which I am making myself do as can’t bear the thought of being at home on my own. I am not a good traveller at the best of times and find it easy to panic since my son’s death but am hoping that I shall feel like I have made a little achievement of living a ‘normal life’ once I get there. I hope you manage to have a calm and restful Easter break and am sending you warm wishes and hugs xx

Hi Holly I am so sorry that you too know the unbearable pain of losing your young son after also losing your husband. Life certainly seems to throw some shit at some of us while others seem to get off lightly. I do hope you have people to support you through this nightmare and sending you hugs and very good wishes that there will lighter moments ahead although seems impossible to imagine at times. X

Hi Laurley, so sorry about your loss, I know the pain must be unbearable , as we lost our lovely daughter DAWN , and life has been unbearable , all I can say is keep yourself as busy as you can , as that’s the best way of getting through the pain, it will never go away , but something to keep your mind busy is the best theraphy . best wises Maddie xx