Hi Chris, i am new to this too and keep getting in wrong when replying 
mothers day was so hard like you one minute i was fine the next all over the place. I really miss mom so much and mothers day made it even harder 
How have you been since mothers day? I am fine during the day as work is full on but after work when i sit down thats the hardest and doesnt seem to get any easier.
Take care hope to speak soon Charlotte xx
Hi Deborah,
Oh I am so sorry i forgot it was your birthday you had told me. I can imagine how horrible it was for you, mine isnt until may but dont want it to come.
Did you find a bit of Comfort spending ti.e woth your moms ashes at the beach if that was a special place for you, i know it would have not been the same as like you i just want my mom back 
Crying just seems to be the norm and i look like a panda glad i work from home so no one can see what i actually look it.
Take care and i will message soon xx Charlotte
Hi Charlotte,
My birthday came and went with a blur as lots of things are these days. At least I got Mothers Day and my birthday over and done with on the same day.
When is your birthday? My mums is May 3rd and she would have been 90. I was so looking forward to making it a special day for her. I did think of doing something to celebrate it but not sure if I can.
Do you work from home every day? How lovely that must be . I always had to go into work as i was a teacher.
Yes i am also looking like a different person due to all the crying. I have noticed my skin is so blotchy on my face from so much crying.
Have totally neglected myself since mum passed. Don’t care what I look like or dress like. Haven’t been out much at all. Just like staying at home. I try to keep busy doing things around the house etc and have been sorting mums clothes but it is tough going.
How have you been ?
Have been thinking of you
Keep in touch
Deborah x
Hi Deborah
My birthday is 20th May and my moms is 18th June so not looking forward to either if i am honest.
Its a tough one isnt it, you will have to see how you feel on the day, you may want to just take yourself away and have a special moment on the beach again. Everything will be so hard for the both of us this year and the years to come.
Unfortunately yes i work from home everyday, it is okay but gets so lonely and also makes me realise everyday that mom isnt here, as i used to go for lunch a few times a week and one of those days mom would make me lunch like it was when i was back at school and i loved spending that time with her and now i have nothing so it is so hard. It hasnt been a good week really for me i have woken up a cpuple of days in tears due to dreams i have had, the dreams have been lovely but i think the reality must kick in or something and i wake up in a state.
We havent sorted anymore of moms stuff yet, i really dont want to, her bedroom is exactly how mom left it and i often go and sit on the bed and wish was there. Looking after my Dad is hard too as they had known each other for 65 years and together as a couple for 59 years, so i know its heartbreaking for him too, but i work full time and find it so exhausting some days i just want to drive away and never come back.
Take care sending lots of love Charlotte xx
Hiya Charlotte4,
Aww i am thinking of you. When its a tough day it really hits home. Working full time is also very hard. Keep going though because that is what your mum would want and you are doing her proud. Yes I can imagine that it is lonely working from home. That is the down side to it. I used to envy people who worked from home and wished I could have done just one day.
Yes I know the feeling about dreams. I have them and wake up in a sweat then bang it hits me mum has gone. Its the worst realisation ever so I usually just lay in bed and mope.
I used to love my mums cooking also. Somehow everything tasted so much better and she was a wonderful baker. Her welsh cakes were delicious.
Did your mum live with you? How about your dad? How is he coping?
All of this grief is devastating.
Just go with the flow on your birthday. Pretend its just another day and get up late and put yourself first. Visit your dad and just do something simple.
I felt after mum passed i wanted to run away and never come back I wanted to find a cave somewhere where no one could find me. In fact that is how I felt when I was told she was dying. Some people didn’t understand how I felt and thought I was having a breakdown but it was the way I felt. After mum passed I felt after a few days she was guiding me to do things and get on with whatever task I had to do. It was hard but I had to push myself like so many people have to.
I honestly don’t know what the answer is for us all. I suppose some people will get through it in time whilst others like myself will never get over it. Some people have told me I will be happy again one day. i cannot see that ever happening. If so it will be a totally different type of happiness to what I have always known.
Carry on doing what you are doing Charlotte. Just getting through each day is a huge achievement so day by day is enough. Some days you will have to be strong to get through your work and other days you are allowed to collapse in a mess and just be upset for as long as you want. Do whatever feels right for you and don’t let anyone else tell you what to do or behave.
Leave your mums things to be sorted for as long as you want. I have to do mine because eventually the house has to be sold as my father passed 30 years ago. I have a brother and sister who cannot or will not help and have left everything to me so I am on my own doing everything so that is why I am slowly making a start on things.
I am here for you ok so please pm me or post on here anytime . I usually check most nights so will check on you later ok
Head up , keep going and speak later
Deborah x
1 Like
Hi Deborah,
How are you? Sorry i havent replied sooner, I am jusy exhausted all the time and before i know it, its time for bed.
I know mom would want me to keep going, and i am really trying but every day i miss mom a little more and its heartbreaking. I am fed up of crying i dont think that will ever stop, do you ?
I too loved moms cooking, she would always make extra home made roast potatoes for me. I can imagine your moms Welsh cakes were delicious, my dads parents were from.wales and my nan made amazing cakes too.
Mom and Dad lived down the road from me and my husband, and thats why i saw mom most days, especially since working from home. Dad doesnt say much really but i can tell the days he is having bad ines as he is even more quiet. He goes out to a friends most days and visits my moms sister most saturdays too.
Yes grief is so devastating and nothing can prepare yourself for all the emotions you go through and feel.
I feel like i want to shut myself away on my birthday but have a feeling people will pop in so will have to take it from there i think.
I too feel like some days i want to get in my car and keeo driving in the hope i find mom, which i guess is stupid as i know that is no possible.
When mom passed away i had to go into auto pilot to get everything done in a way mom would be proud of. I visited mom in the chapel of rest and she looked so beautiful that memory will stay with me until the day i die , i sorted her final clothes too which meant a lot. I have had a memory cushion made of clothes with special memories and i know it sounds silly but i feel close to her when i hug it.
I cannot ever see me being the person i was before mom passed amd i will never be as happy as before. I agree with you i will never be happy again.
Sorry to hear your brother and sister have left everything to you, i know that feeling as i feel as though i am an only child and having to sort and look after my dad on my own, with the support of my husband.
I hope you are okay and managing to get through this the best you can.
Take care, keep in touch Charlotte xx
Hi Charlotte,
Great to hear from you again.
I agree with everything you have said about grief and emotions. Its all too much at times.
I have cut myself off from the world to be honest I just stay at home and that’s the way I like it.
I have only been to my mums house in the entire time since mum passed on Dec 30th.
I have no interest in anything else at the moment.
Thankfully I am retired as otherwise God only knows how I would cope. Think this would have been the turning point if I had been working and I feel I would have resigned.
Thurs I am plucking up the courage to meet a friend for coffee. She lost her mum a week after mine passed and her mum also passed with a bowel blockage. How uncanny is that. Anyway i have promised her we will meet .I am honestly not looking forward to it but feel I have to go as I promised I would.
Whereabouts in Wales did your dads parents come from ?
How are you coping with your work?
All the first are going to be very difficult for us. But then so are the seconds thirds and so on. Nothing will change for me.
As for crying I have cried every day since Dec 30th. Things trigger me like a photo of a place on social media that I visited with mum , or a song, advert, TV programme, just about everything really.
Today I wore one of her jumpers as most of her clothes fit me . I felt so cosy in it and felt mum all around me. I know she would be so proud of the way I am carrying on and coping with it all but it is still heartbreaking.
I have a photo of my mum in my lounge One I took last Sept when we went on holiday together to North Wales. Where ever I am in the room mums eyes seem to look at me. It is so so strange but very comforting.
Try to rest Charlotte whenever you can because you have to go to work. Find some time for yourself.
I set myself small targets to do every day and am starting to find time to do simple things in looking after myself like having a nice bath etc. Just simple things.
Am here for you ok so post anytime or pm me. We will get through this somehow someday x
Deborah x
Hi Deborah
How are you ? Silly question I know , did you meet your friend Thursday for coffee ?
I sometimes wonder if i wasnt working i would be worse than i am, so like we have said grief affects everyone differently.
My dads parents were from Merthyr Tydfil and Pontypridd.
Work has its moments i work with a small team and one of them looks down on us as though he is better than me so on my worst days work is horrible, luckily i have worked for the company for a while so i have others i can moan at.
I agree that the first time for everything will be bad, but how i feel at the moment i think everyone after will be as bad. I still really cant believe mom isnt here anymore
Songs as well as photos trigger me the most for crying but on sayimg that everynight when i go to bed i just burst out crying
Oh i bet wearing your moms jumper was a littlr comfort not a lot but some. I brought moms handbags home yesterday (she always had 2) and a little hand she carried everywhere with her , i cant bear to look at what is in there as each time i do i break down
I think their souls are in the photos as i too have a photo in the lounge which seems to follow me and my dad does too.
I had a busy few days so sorry for not replying sooner, i need to take some time for myself i think as i am exhausted
Take care and i help you too are taking each day as it comes and little steps, speak soon
Thinking of you Charlotte xxx
Hiya Charlotte,
So so lovely to hear from you again.
I don’t now Merthyr Tydfil very well but inspected a school there approx 10yrs ago. i managed to find time to drive around the area and it was beautiful. Pontypridd is Tom Jones land. He was my mums favourite singer.
Hold your head up in work. There will always be someone in the workplace that is like the one you mentioned. It takes all sorts of people as they say. It is better you are working even though it may not seem like it . For me being at home all the time does help but also I have more time on my hands to dwell on things.
Keep going lovely because you are doing so so well and I am proud of you.
I have tried on loads of my mums clothes and 90% of them I like and fit me so I have loads of clothes now. She loved her clothes and there were so many brand new with tags on that she had never worn . I am bringing her wardrobes down to my house as I have nowhere to put all the clothes. I haven’t sorted her handbags yet.
I am also having most of her furniture as she only bought most of her things a few years ago and they are immaculate.
Haven’t completed probate yet though so need that done first.
I have ben doing things at mums house slowly so it doesn’t upset me too much. Well it does upset me but you know what I mean.
How is your dad getting on ?
How are you sleeping now? Any better ?
I actually bought a new duvet. A very thick one from Dorma and my goodness I have slept so much better. I still wake up and cry but go downstairs and make a cuppa when that happens and watch TV until I feel shattered and return then to bed.
Keep in touch
Deborah x