It’s been 4 months, but only feels like yesterday my mom passed away. She passed away after a very short illness so we were not perpared at all.
I cry every night when i go to bed and most days , we were so close i have lost everything. My husband has been my rock but I feel so alone. I spoke, or saw her most days so I have lost that too.
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Hi Charlotte,
Unable to sleep so checked this site and read your post my mum died on Dec 30th and I feel the same. I am not the same person I used to be.I am so miserable.Dontvknow how my husband puts up with me .Please keep posting as people will help you on here. Thinking of you
Deborahx
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Hi Deborahx
I am so sorry for your loss too. I dont sleep eitjer, my mind is constantly going, i have so many amazing memories of mom, but that just doesnt seem enough at the minute. I am tne same as you i have no idea how my husband is putting up with me
Thinking of you too
Charlottex
Hi Charlotte,
So sorry for your loss losing your mum is like no other loss I have ever had to deal with. I lost mine on 29th December and life as I know it has not been the same since. They leave a huge void in our lives even now I still want to drop into hers or hear her voicemail she left explaining why she couldn’t answer the phone.
Take care of yourself and take the time you need.
Valda xx
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Hi Valda,
I am so sorry for your loss, too. You never believe how much the pain would hurt do you, and all the things you took for granted like having them at the end of a phone would hurt so much at the fact you can not longer hear them. Take care Charlotte x
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Hi Charlotte,
Can’t sleep so on this site again. How are you getting on ? Things are no better for me.Kust finding it hard to let it sink in that my mum has gone and I won’t see her again.
I cry so much sometimes that I don’t even recognise my own face afterwards. My life will never be the same.
My mum passed away after a short illness also.Diagnosed and passed away within 5 weeks. I am grateful I had time with her at the end but wish I could have had more. I tried everything I could to save her,to make her eat,to keep her going etc but it wasn’t to be. She died on Dec 30th last year. The past weeks since then have been a blur and goodness knows how I have reached March. My hearts aches every minute of the day.Night times are worse so I come on to this site. It has been a godsend to me
It’s very hard to carry on especially when like you I saw her almost every day despite her living 40 miles away from me.i find it strange not driving there,not making meals for her freezer,not changing her bed and cleaning her house,or shopping for her and taking her out in the car for spins and socialising with her.She used to love going out for lunch just her and I.She used to struggle with her mobility and refused to sit in a wheelchair bless her I miss helping her get off a chair,help her have a shower,and watch TV with her It’s so painful. We only had mum’s funeral on Feb 6th so it’s still so raw. I just wanted to stay next to mum’s coffin as much as possible.Nothing will ever take away the heartache I felt on that day.
Just want you to know I am thinking of you and am here anytime you want to post
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah,
Thank you for messaging me again. You sound as though you are the same as me, I sleep off and on every night, not had a proper night since mom passed on 31 October, mom was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic cancer assuming it started in the womb, we never found out which part as mom only lasted 20 days from diagnosis and i think this is the hardest part , none of us expected mom to go so soon. Like you, my heart arches so much for momand the pain gets worse every day. I am grateful i had 45 years with mom, but it should have been longer. I wake up most mornings feeling drained and full of tears. I have to stay strong for my Dad, who has cancer and luckily we do not live far so see or speak to him most days. Lofe is though right now and can not see it getting any easier. It is nice to be able to talk to you , to check in amd see how you are doing.
I will check in with you in a couple of days to see how you are coping. Take care Charlotte xx
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Hi Deborah,
I thought i would check in and see how you are doing ? My mind is in overdrive at the moment, mom is never far from my thoughts, and i am sad every time i see or hear a mothers Day advert. Dreading this mothers day too as my moms memorial stone is not in place so have no real place to go and spemd sometime with mom on my own.
Take care thinking of you
Charlotte xx
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Hi Charlotte 4,
Aww thanks for checking on me . i am okish. Sleeping is difficult at the moment. i may sleep about an hour then that’s it I wake up crying .
Yes I am dreading Mother’s Day and it’s also my birthday so a double whammy. I am going to get mum a bunch of flowers and a card and put them next to her photo and her ashes as I collected them last week. I have tried not to watch the adverts on TV as they are too upsetting so in fairness I haven’t seen much advertising as I also haven’t been to the shops.
I still can’t believe my lovely mum has gone and I will never see her again. I have to pinch myself to find out it is real.
I feel guilty about not talking to her about dying. I am so guilty that she may have been afraid but didnt want to talk about it in case it upset me. I was with her 24/7 so had time when we were on our own.
I feel guilty for phoning the ambulance that night Maybe if I had waited until the morning she would have been ok. They starved her in hospital for 12 days so she went downhill fast. It was awful to watch. They only gave her water not even a cup of tea!!!
How are you doing? Do you work ?
Keep in touch and thanks for caring about me
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah,
It’s hard, isn’t it, i never excepted the pain to be like it is. it’s unbearable, isn’t it. I dont really sleep i just nap, and when i wake up, i have tears in my eyes most days.
I have brought a heart with a message on remembering mom on mothers day, which i will put next to her photo, candle and ashes on sunday along with some flowers. It doesnt have to be just mothers day to remember and i think of her every minute of every day, but i saw the gift and knew mom would love it. I am so sorry that it will be a double yammy fir you with it being your birthday, i will be thinking if you.
I think feeling guilty is part of our grieving as i have days like that, i think about the final weekend i could and should have spent more time with her, i just then think she is no longer in pain and makes it a bit more bearable if you know what i mean.
I work in retail so really hard to avoid mothers day stuff 
. I still cant believe i will never hear my moms voice again or receive a text at silly o clock in the morning because she has just remembered something she wanted to tell or ask me. Life is hard and i have definitely lost my sparkle.
Do you work ?
I will keep in touch if thats okay with you?
Take care Charlotte x
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Hi there I really feel for you. I lost my mum too last October. She was my rock my best friend & I seen her most days. I try to keep myself busy but most days I feel totally lost. If only I could visit heaven & give her the most amazing hug & tell her how much I loved her. I’m always here to chat. Looking forward to hearing from you Chris
Hi Chris, i am sorry for your loss too. I totally agree with you, i would give anything to see mom one last time, so that i could tell her i love her, that everything she taught me made me who i am today and that she will always be the most precious person to me. It hits you, doesn’t it out of no where. You are fine one minute and then a total wreck seconds later.
Always here to chat too. Take care Charlotte xx
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Hi Chris,sorry, i think i replied wrong , still learning Charlotte xx
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Hi Charlotte,
Yes of course keep in touch with me. I would love you too.
I am retired now. I used to be a Headteacher. Loved my job, every single minute of it.
I live in West Wales in a town called Haverfordwest. Where do you live?
I have one son who is 27 yrs and still lives with us but is away working all over the UK and Europe. He is home at the moment which is lovely.
This grief is very difficult and I have had a terrible day today as I have started to sort mums clothes. Its been two and a half months since she passed and it feels like yesterday. Its still so raw. My son showed me a photo he had taken minutes before mum passed and i was kissing her and holding her hand. OMG I burst into tears. I remember that day so well. The carers had washed her hair and i had put curlers in her hair and put a new nightie on her I thought she looked amazing yet in the photos she looked so ill bless her.
PM me anytime
Deborah x
Hi Deborah,
I work as a Process Analyst and live in Lichfield, Staffordshire. I have no children. It must be lovely having your son home at the moment.
I agree grief just hits you all the time and when you dont expect it. I have not sorted any of moms clothes out yet, i sorted toiletries and cosmetic stuff as i felt this stuff could go to friends who could use it. Not sure when i will sort moms clothes they have so many memories i know it will be really hard, so i totally understand where you are coming from. Its nearly 5 months for my mom and still feels so raw , i am a little further on the path than you and it is really hard isnt it. I am so sorry the photo you saw upset you, its really hard isnt it. You just want them back to hug and tell them how much you love them. My mom was a geeat believer that she would see her mom and dad again when she passed so i live with thehope that even though i am hurting , mom can finely see her parents again and is no longer in pain.
Take care, message soon Charlotte xxx
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Hi Charlotte,
It was a big day today as I visited several graves to put flowers for mothers day and it really got to me but i got through it
Then went to mums house and sorted everything from her bedroom so tonight I have started to sort her things etc. So emotional
My somn is home tom so cant wait I am so looking forward to him coming home He was so close to my mum and was with her and me when she passed . I cant wait to see him and his girlfriend He is 27 yrs and a cameraman so is all over the world filming but he is all mine for 2 days Yippee. I love him so much !!! Daft question but how are you doing ?
Nothing helps does it.
Yes my mum asked me at the end if I could help her go to her mum . of course I said yes.She said her mum would be waiting for her so I said ok lets go mum. I moved her legs slightly then said I was getting the car keys. i went into the kitchen to cry pulled myself together then returned to her bedside and she was sleeping so I placed the duvet back on her and she forgot about everything when she woke up. it was heartbreaking. Words I will never forget to my dying day. I know in my heart she is with her mum and gran as her mum died on childbirth . i just know she is with them and that helps me so much.
I just wish I could see her once again thats all just once again .
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping in touch
Deborah x
Hi Deborah
How are you ? I am guessing the same as me, yesterday was a massive struggle, i just wanted to go and visit my mom with gifts, cake and a meal i like i done last year. I would have ever of thought that last mothers day was going to be my last with mom and it breaks my heart. Next milestone will be my dads furst birthday without her and then Easter, then my birthday. I dont think i ever want to celebrate my birthday again as it won’t be the sane, my mom always spolit me rotten as i dont have any children so i think i will not cope.
I am glad your son was home for mothers day, even though it would have been hard for you too.
Me and my mom never really spoke about death before she passed away as everything happened so quickly. I like to think if we had known we would have planned stuff , life really does suck
I too wish heaven had visiting hours as i would be first in line to get that last hug and conversation we never got to have xx
Take care. Speak soon Charlotte xx
Chris 29 hi Charlotte how u doing sorry
Hi Charlotte sorry I have not replied I am new to this. Just wondering how you are? Bet Mother’s Day was sooo hard for you? Like you say you are fine one minute next minute your a mess. It is sooo difficult losing our lovely mums. Look forward to hearing from you Chris
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Hi Charlotte,
Yes yesterday was a sh…t day from start to finish as it was also my birthday so a double whammy.
I can’t explain how awful I felt. Pretending to be ok in front of my family took it’s toll and at approx 3pm I drove off with my mums ashes to a beach we used to go to just to be alone with her.I then went to her house for the past 2 nights. I don’t know any other way than crying each day. My face has got all blotchy marks on my cheeks from crying.
How are you getting on ?
Deborah x
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