Losing my beautiful young sister.

Losing a sibling
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Hi Everyone

I recently lost my older sister 3 weeks ago of 29 years old who is just over 2 years older than me and my only sibling, Out of nowhere she got diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago which was devastating enough as she was young, healthy and lived a happy lifestyle so it came to a complete shock. She never smoked, drink alcohol or do any drugs.

I don’t want to go to full in depth details of her journey but unfortunately her body did not respond well to chemotherapy and 3 weeks prior of her passing was the first news we found out the cancer had spread to her brain and also including the liver and lungs and hearing that news as a family we felt sick and numb hearing the news, the pain is unbearable and unimaginable in a million years we did not think would ever happen to our loved one.

5 days before her passing it was the final news that she only had weeks to live so we brought her back home where she wanted to be and she was forever surrounded by us with her 24/7 and not left alone or out of sight for 1 second. She was on strong medications which numbed her pain throughout her final days as she was still able to communicate with us and let us know she was pain free and in comfort. When her day did come and when she was in her final hour of taking her last breaths, we all held her, spoke to her about all the happy memories we had and played her favourite music and still held her throughout till she took her final breath.

I have comfort knowing she died exactly how she wanted to in peace, pain free and comfort especially all of us holding her and half hour later after she passed, she left with a smile on her face which makes us believe she has reunited with our loved ones and found peace and happiness again.

I get angry to why has this has happened to her to start with and question what have we done as a family to deserve this. I have many family members cousins etc coming and going visiting us and I really feel it when I see all siblings there together and feel they’re so lucky to still have each other. I still feel a bit of bitterness when I see a young female on social media or whenever I’m out still living life when I feel sad that should be my sister as well as she had a bright future ahead and settle in the next chapter getting married etc.

I miss her so much and desperately want to talk and cuddle my sister and tell her how much I love her, at the same time I worry about my parents because they’re just went through what is any parents worst nightmare and pain is that to lose a child. We all grieving together but the house feels so empty without my sister and left a massive hole in our hearts and life and finding it hard to accept we will never see her again.

I know my other relatives are trying to help but I get annoyed when they’re say things like “you got us as brothers and sisters too” like as if that’s anywhere near the same I can never call another girl a sister or see them as one.

They’re always say if you need us you can always talk to them but because they’re haven’t through it themselves I find it pointless and useless talking to them as they will never understand the pain and feel what is there to ever talk about other than them listening to my pain.

Thank you guys for reading my story and we’re not alone losing our cherished loved one.

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister, @AM27. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted you to know you have been heard and are not alone.

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Hi

Thank you so much for your kind felt message, I just hope in time the pain will ease slightly but l know my sister wouldn’t want us as a family to always be sad and just always think about the good memories we shared.

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Hi.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My older brother had throat cancer 4 years ago and come christmas was given the all clear. He was still on oramorph for his pain when in the March i got a call to say he had passed away . It turns out the pain medication had masked the pain of a stomach ulcer which ended up bursting and killing him.

I am glad too he wasnt in pain but so sad he was meant to of beaten this disease and taken away any way . He was only just 49 . I am 10 years younge then him .

We couldn’t have a funeral for him as was at the very beginning of the lock down so were only sent to pictures of his coffin. Due to this we didnt get to grieve how we would have usually.

Its never easy losing someone and i have since lost my dad , grandad and Mum and feel so alone. I am so glad you have many people around you but understand you can still feel so alone.

Talk about her memory dont become scared to mention her name for fear of upsetting people she would want you to smile , to laugh at silly memory. She will want you to live life to the full. But remember its ok to be sad , angry and cry too. It will take time .

Look after yourself xx

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Hi Tan

Thank you for message and I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through losing not just your brother but also your grandad and both your parents. Cancer has effects us all in our lives and hits our loved ones it’s such a horrible disease, I’m sorry to hear what your brother had to go through but just like my sister, your brother is also in peace, pain free and forever be safe and in comfort. Hurts to hear you didn’t say your final goodbyes in person because of covid it’s so not right at all. You are unbelievably strong and brave to carry on and I know all your loved ones are watching over you and are so proud of you.

You’re right when you say I do still have many people to support us as my sister was a popular girl who has left a mark on many who knew her and loved her. We had special sibling relationship where we always used to call each other names and take the mick of each other and I loved playing pranks and annoying her, I miss that so much I no longer have anyone to be silly with anymore. Her funeral is this Saturday coming up and I’m dreading even thinking about it, also she would’ve of turned 30 in December and we had plans because this was unexpected so I’m dreading also when the time comes.

Thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt messages and please look after yourself too and keep strong take care xx

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Thank you its made me less alone coming on here .

I have two beautiful children i have to stay strong for .

Also a best friend who has just fought stage 3 bowel cancer and stage 4 bladder cancer too . Thankfully her chemo shrank the tumor enough for them to manage to cut all the cancer out . My mum also had cancer but wasnt diagnosed till days before she died and each day was a new one was in her liver, lung, bowel and bones. So i take comfort in the peace she must be in now and back with my brother .

My friend wasnt meant to lose her hair but the stress made her lose it so to support her i shaved mine off and another friend joined too and we raised nearly 1500 for macmillan.

Remember the funeral is a celebration of her life . Cry them tears but do something silly for her too.

My brother and dads bdays are december too so i went on holiday as couldnt bare the thought of being home moarning them .

Thank you for your reply all the best for Saturday i will be thinking of you xx

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Thank you Tan appreciate your lovely message, I’m sorry to hear your mum passed away from cancer too and of course she’s in peace and reunited with your brother.

You are wonderful brave and amazing to shave your hair for your friend and raised money for Macmillan. I’m glad your friend has bear cancer and recovered.

I grew my hair out for 4 and half years but had no intentions of cutting it but and in the past my sister always kept going on at me to cut my hair but I never listened.

When we knew my sister had a few days left in her I asked her would it make you happy if I shaved my hair off for you and she said yes and I finally done it for her, she was very happy when I shaved my hair off as I wanted to do anything to make her smile.

But for Saturday fingers crossed the funeral goes well and finally give my sister the best send off she ever deserves.

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Aww how amazing are you doing that for your sister .

I cant even imagine how happy you made her, and i love it made you happy too .

Xx

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I hope today went aswell as possible and you celebrated your beautiful sisters life with everyone whom cared for her. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: xxx

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Hi Tan

The service of the funeral was peaceful and beautiful and everything went as expected and we gave my sister the best send off she deserved. Thank you for asking really appreciate it thank you, hope all is well with you? xx

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I am so glad to hear that. Things are ok thank you for asking xx

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