Losing my beloved wife

Hi everyone and thanks for letting me join the group.
I lost my wife Alison on the 3rd of November following a heart attack suffered on 26th of October. I conducted CPR on Aliosn for 9 minutes till paramedics arrived. She was then transferred to hospital and spent her final days in the care of the most amazing team of doctors and nurses.
The void she has left feels immeasurable right now, I feel lost and alone now the funeral has passed and family have gone home.
I have my 3 kids around and 4 wonderful grandchildren, with the new one arriving 4 weeks early, guided in to this world by my beloved wife who we know was watching over her.
It’s very difficult to understand that she is no longer here with me. It just doesn’t feel right, or real. We did everything together and had so many things planned for my retirement next year.

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Hello @Stuandali ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your wife that brings you here. What a wonderful joy to have a new grandchild and like you said guided by your wife, but incredibly difficult for you to embrace the joy when your grief is so new.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hi Stuart,

Welcome to this exclusive club where I am sure that you will find a lot of support from the many people on this site.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how you must have felt during those nine minutes of CPR. I lost my wife 10 years ago to cancer. As she was taking her last breathes I held her in my arms, a memory I shall not forget. I take some comfort in knowing that she knew I was there and that I loved her and she loved me. In time I hope the same will apply to you.

My first two years were really difficult, I seemed to live in a parallel universe, everything happening around me but I never seemed to be part of it.

Someone told me to keep busy, but I would say keep busy and always be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to take time out for yourself. I think be kind to yourself is the best advice.

Another grandchild, something special and I’m sure you will have plenty to look forward to in the coming months.

I always think of myself as moving forward while holding hands to my past. Wherever I go, I take Joyce on the journey with me.

Best wishes Stu.

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Hi John
Sorry for your loss and thanks so much for your reply and advice.
It was the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had and will live with me forever💔

Sadly despite holding Alison’s had as she took her final breaths and talking to her all the way on her final journey the pain is real.
Although I spoke to her ever so briefly before her heart attack I never really got to say goodbye and that hurts the most.
I try to keep busy by walking and housework but the quiet periods are the worst.
I have also been raising money in her honour and plan on getting a memorial bench in our local woods where we loved to walk. This way I can go there and spend time with her as much as possible.
I will go back to work in the new year but for now Christmas will be a huge hurdle to overcome :pray::broken_heart:

Hi @Stuandali
I’m so sorry for your loss . The loss of my husband was in very similar circumstances to yours. He went out to cut the grass at the back and when he hadn’t appeared round the front to do it next I went to look for him and he was already gone. I tried CPR and the paramedics who arrived very quickly made a heroic attempt but we all knew he was gone. I will always be haunted by the fact that I didn’t have a last few seconds even, while he was still able to know I was there. I also torture myself wondering if he would have survived if I’d gone out earlier. It’s nearly 12 weeks now and I’ m devastated. We had 42 years together and our lives revolved around each other. Like you I would like to have a memorial bench for him, I remember him saying many years ago that he would love to have one looking over the beautiful valley where we live. I am hating this time of year, I wish I could wake up and it was all over. I have his birthday to get through next week as well.I hope to return to work sometime in the New Year but not confident at all about how I’ll cope with it.
Please know that I am thinking of you, and I hope that like me you will get comfort from this community of fellow sufferers.

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Thank you Mist2

I am truly sorry for your loss in similar circumstances.
By conducting CPR the paramedics wee able to get my wife to hospital where she spent 8 days in ICU. Sadly the doctors and nurses who did such a wonderful job weren’t able to save her and I held her hand all the way, it was so painful to see her slip away and not knowing if she could hear me talking to her.
My new granddaughter has been named in my wife’s honour which is a gift I will forever cherish.
I do hope you can stay strong during this difficult time and remember the good times.
Friends and family are so important at this time too and do t be scared to lean on them for support
Take care

Hi @Stuandali
How lovely to have your little granddaughter named after your wife.That’s very special.
The idea of retirement is strange without our loved ones by our side, it seems like a huge mountain to climb for us to adjust to a different life. But I hope we’re able to take heart from the positive messages from people who have found a way to move forward and like @John3 our partners will be on our journeys with us.I’m trying to pretend that Christmas isn’t happening, I’m just going to be on my own for all of it, including his birthday next week. My choice, just want space and time to myself to get through it. I hope you’ll find a lot of comfort from your family.

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So sorry for your loss i lost my husband 4 months ago to a cardiac arrest while we were sleeping i did cpr for 20 minutes till the ambulance arrived then he spent 48 hours in a coma but never woke that morning haunts me the look on his face stays with me he was 54 its so cruel we are all here in so much pain life is just cruel :cry:

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Thanks Cadge, and sorry to read of your loss in similar circumstances. Yes the images I saw will stay with me for ever. It was so traumatic and heartbreaking to see. I just hope through all of this that she wasn’t in further pain. I sat beside her in ICU for 8 days before the consultant broke the bad news. I have cried every day since, and not ashamed to say it. Life is indeed so cruel. I just keep asking “why”. My wife had gone in for a hip operation on 14th of October and was 12 days post op when she suffered her heart attack. Life just isnt the same without her now that she is no longer with me.:broken_heart:

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I agree its very traumatic i too keep asking myself why no signs at all we were happy we had plans.
You are crying because you loved her beyond words :heart:
Keep talking on here its been a massive help for me.
We all need to get through the next few weeks and its going to be so hard. So keep reaching out .
Also i was told by the gp he wouldnt have known anything and wouldnt have suffered and that they lose consciousness almost straight away so no pain :sleepy:

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