In February of this year,I lost my best friend of 35 years John from vascular dementia and Parkinsons disease.On the 1st May I had to have Merlin a K.C.S. dog put to sleep.
Since the funeral of John which was at the end of February,hardly anybody has contacted me. I have phoned ,“friends”,they say they will phone back and have not. I go out every few days for food shopping and sometimes need to get home quickly as I am on my own and watching people together is too much at times. I am not feeling sorry for myself,simply feel lost and broken at 64 years of age. Good luck to everybody who is grieving,it is horrible.
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Hello David10
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread. I’m so sorry to hear about John. To then have to have Merlin put to sleep must have felt like an extra blow. I’m sorry that your friends haven’t been as supportive as you need either.
We are here for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Rhi
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Rhi,thank you very much.
Hi David. I do hope you are well. I am sending you some love.
My best friend pass suddenly last month. I thought having the funeral yesterday would bring me closure and stop crying but it hasnt.
I send you love and light xxx
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Story,
My sincere condolences about your friend. One month ago is such a short time and must be so raw, The funeral is one step and then you take as long as you need to grieve. Seven months has passed since John died. I miss him every day and always will. Be kind to yourself.
@David10 Sorry you’re going thru this & primarily on your own. You’re right, grieving is just horrible. My Dad died in March & there are some days I can’t get my head around it. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I hope you have a nice day.
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Cee,
Many thanks ,for your kind words. So sorry,to read about your dad. You are not alone either. Best wishes and I am here if you need to talk.
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Hi Cee, So sorry for your loss of your dad…too sad. I also send you love and light. XXXXXXXXXX
Hi David, you mentioned 35 years of friendship, so literally he was like family. I miss my friend everyday. He was my family. Xxx
I wonder if it is annoying when we keep talking about our loved one when they are gone. I feel like its annoys people or I am going on a bit, but maybe I am over thinking. If only we could reverse time or have one more hour with our loved ones.
Virtual hugs to your both xxx
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Story,
Writing or talking about our loved ones ,is keeping their memory alive. Until ,somebody loses the most important person in their life, some people do not understand. John, was and is family .He sends me signals and I know when it is my turn ,John will call me over. I am ready to go ,if God says it is ok. God bless you and everybody who have lost special people.
Hi David. I hope you had a nice weekend. What kinds of signals does John send you?
I miss Mark so much. I am trying to throw some clothes out and found a t shit he bought me. 2 in fact…
I am waiting for his ashes to be rested somewhere so i can visit him soon.o desperately need to be near him.
Every night i tried to dream of him to have some closure bur never do.
Is there any hobbies you do to keep yourself busy?
Xxx
Xxx
Hi Story,
I had a problem with my laptop and had to wait for a new keyboard. Just read your last message to me.
John, used to smoke a pipe He gave up smoking after his second stroke.
I smell pipe tobacco at home sometimes and butterflies come over to me when I am walking ,where the dogs used to be walked and where John in his wheelchair and I went to get in to town. Please keep some things Mark gave you.I wear John’s dressing gown,leather jacket etc. I still have John’s ashes.There is no rush to have our loved ones ashes,scattered. I am busy clearing the house to move to a flat.I went with a friend to see Les Miserables recently. John and I loved/love this musical.Sad songs and not so sad songs. Soon,it will be eight months,since John died and five months already since Merlin,my last dog died. I have good days and days I just want to be with John. Be kind to yourself,always. God bless.
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Hi David. I didnt realise you replied. I chnaged my phone and had to relogged in today. I do hope you are ok.
Aw the signs you get from john esp the tobacco must be so comforting. Mark always smoke lots and am desperate to smell cigarettes too.
I miss mark so much. I still cant believe he ia gone.
Thats nice you went to see a musical. I saw this jazz band with mark. I make him go to all these dodgy concerts with me. He was always good as we had totally different taste
I hope you have lots of ups than downs. It sure isnt easy all this. Xxxxx big hugs
And moving house is good to keep yourself busy.
I send you love and light
Xxx
Story,
Many thanks for your replies. I will be moving, on the 27th of November. Mixed feeling s,because I have lived here for almost half of my life. Please look after yourself and if you need to chat,I am here. Big hugs,
Hi David. How is the new place going?
I thought of you the other day and wondered how you was doing? I hope you dont find that weird. I guess I will always remember you since your post was the first one i replied to since mark died.
Xmas and ny must have been super hard for you. I am glad thats over.
How have you been coping? I miss mark terribly. And so frustrating to still cry about him.
Hope you are also keeping warm too. Sending you 
What do you do for hobbies? Or what do you do to keep yourself busy
Xxxxxxx
Hi Mark,
Happy New Year. I have settled in the new place,fairly well. How are you doing?Christmas,was strange and sad. I had a chest infection,so spent it on my own. Like you miss Mark,I miss John so much. I still cry over John.We always will,now and again. Yes,keeping warm,thank you. Hope you are also. Next month on the 12th of February,I will scatter John’s ashes with some friends. I,have visited some museums in London,I have not seen for years. Please look after yourself. One day at a time
Hi David.
Desperately missing my bff. When i think i stop crying it comes back again. Glad to know your out and about and settling in your new place.
Life is so weird isnt it.
Where will you scatter johns ashes?
I am still waiting for mark ashes to be somewhere so i can visit him.
Yes one day at a time.
Xxx
Hi,
I will scatter John;s ashes at the cemetery and crematorium. I have leased a glass leaf with an inscription ,on a metal mulberry tree for fifty years.
There us an area near there, John did not want his ashes underground.
Please be kind to yourself.
David. xx.