I list my best friend to suicide last year, I’m struggling to even function. I feel I can’t be happy I put on a brave face for the sake of my partner and kids but I’m broken inside it feels like I’m beyond repair. I’ve tried one step at a time , counselling I feel so alone x
I am so sorry, you will feel alone. I am lucky because I have never experienced this loss, but a relative has. He told me. and his father, my husband, told me, it is the worst feeling in the world. It happened to my stepson when he was a student, and his father told me he and his then wife, got up at 1am to check that my stepson was alright.
The lady who committed suicide was the person that rushed out of the college to let them know that my stepson was all right, and safe in his bed.
I can only suggest that you talk to your GP and tell her or him how you are feeling. That should get you the help you need. I only know what I have said above, that it is the worst grief in the world, along with losing a child.
I hope you find some help here. We are a curious bunch of people, but collectively we try to help and we try not to be judgemental, so we are compassionate. I hope I am, and that in time, you will find your way out of the maze of grief.
With love and best wishes,