Losing my best friend

My best friend of 30 years died 2 weeks ago.the funeral was 2 days ago. The pain is unbearable. I feel like i cant cope without her. I have never used a forum before but I just dont feel anyone understands the level of pain, deep sadness and desperation I feel. I dont know who to talk to. I cant imagine a future without her.we shared everything in our lives - good and bad. Iam truly lost.

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CM, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your true friend. After so many years of sharing the good times and helping each other through the bad you will feel devastated now. I hope you can talk to someone to help you through this very dark time, maybe a councellor on this site could be of help.
The grief you feel will be the same as all of us here that have lost someone they love whether it be partners, family members or friends the grief is the same.
We all just try to get through each day hoping the pain will ease a little tomorrow.
I’m sorry that I can’t say anything more positive but hope you can find some help from this forum .
Xx
Xx

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. Someone reaching out just makes me feel less alone. There are some friends I can talk to. My family don’t really get just how painful this is for me. My friend was the closest person to me in my life.we could literally talk about anything and I can’t imagine what Iam going to do with out her. I don’t have a partner and I have found that people seem to think its worse if it’s a partner or parent but there isn’t a hierarchy of the most painful loss is there? I lost my dad nearly 4 years ago & didn’t think I could be more upset than that.however I was wrong because I feel such deep pain losing my friend. Iam so grateful for your understanding and support.

You are right there is no hierarchy of pain.
It seems you were as close to your friend as many couples that have shared years together would be so why would you not feel deep grief.

Does she have family that you know and could talk to they might welcome being able to talk with you about her. It could help you and them.

Don’t try to mask your grief it’s better to let it flow and don’t feel you should get over it quickly. She’ll always be your best friend.
Xx

My friend was married to my cousin - who I have also been good friends with since being little. So family are also upset but they just didn’t have the relationship I had with her. I will still speak about her with my cousin on the phone and see him occasionally so at least we can share our memories & feelings.at the moment I do feel a bit guilty being in floods of tears when I speak to him when he’s gone back to work & seems to be managing. I feel like i shouldn’t cry to him as I don’t want to upset him.he’s list so much.
I just feel so flat & low. Everything reminds me of her. I feel panicky about the future as we always picked up the phone to each other about everything & that is such a huge loss to me. Life is going to be so empty. We spent weekends together & went on holiday & everything. I just can’t believe she’s gone.

My friend was married to my cousin - who I have also been good friends with since being little. So family are also upset but they just didn’t have the relationship I had with her. I will still speak about her with my cousin on the phone and see him occasionally so at least we can share our memories & feelings.at the moment I do feel a bit guilty being in floods of tears when I speak to him when he’s gone back to work & seems to be managing. I feel like i shouldn’t cry to him as I don’t want to upset him.he’s list so much.
I just feel so flat & low. Everything reminds me of her. I feel panicky about the future as we always picked up the phone to each other about everything & that is such a huge loss to me. Life is going to be so empty. We spent weekends together & went on holiday & everything. I just can’t believe she’s gone.

Hi, maybe your cousin isn’t managing as well as you think but just wearing a mask to cover his true grief especially if it was necessary for him to return to work.
That doesn’t mean though that you have to hide your sorrow. Is there just one family member that might be able to help you and listen. It’s understandable you don’t want to make him feel worse by off loading your grief to him.

The feelings you describe about the future, emptiness etc. are sadly normal when you’ve lost so much. I feel the same. It’s so very hard to believe the person you loved is actually not here anymore You have to try not to think to much about the future just concentrate on this day or even morning. I hope you have some distractions that might help you through this weekend.
Xx

Hi. Thank you yes I went to my niece’s house today with some other family members. I had to really persuade myself to go but Iam glad I did. It was nice & i actually didn’t cry for a few hours so it did me good. I also went to the gp this morning to get a further sick note & some recommendations for counselling. So I guess I have achieved some things.
You are right about not thinking too far ahead cos it truly scared me when i do. It’s just so painful at times isn’t it? Other times I feel completely numb. It really is the worst thing I have been through. I lost my dad 4 years ago and never thought it could be more painful than that but this is.
How are you managing? Do you have people to lean on?
C

Hi CM, I am so sorry for your loss and it really made me think. I met my best friend 36 years ago at age 16 and we have worked together ever since. We have been through marriages, children and now starting a new phase in our life as our children are now getting married and grandchildren are starting to arrive. My best friend is still alive but I lost my husband at the end of November, so I am truly aware of the pain the loss of a loved one can bring. Sadly for you, people probably do not realise the impact it has had on you. Without even really thinking about it, people will automatically think of the main people grieving as being blood relatives such as a spouse, parent or sibling. The fact that you and your friend undoubtedly spent more time with each other than either of you did with any other family members and knew more about each other than almost anyone else did, with the exception of your cousin, will be overlooked. In all honestly lots of people are not as lucky as you, and me for that matter, and have long time best friends and do not understand how precious those people are to us. I completely understand how lost you feel, I know the feeling of lost routines, memories of things you have done together and will not do again, it is all so overwhelming. Be kind to yourself, I would like to tell you that it will get easier, but you will miss her forever, the same as I will miss my husband who was also my male best friend, but somehow you will learn to cope just as she would want you to do. I still talk to George all the time, why not do that too. Just because she is not physically with you does not mean you cannot tell her things, even if you feel happier writing them down. Keep her memory alive in whatever way you feel comfortable and remember the good times and smile because you love her xx

Hi, I’m glad you had a better day and found the effort worthwhile. Counseling might help you I’m thinking of trying again myself the first time was pretty ineffectual.
It’s 32 weeks since my husband of 53:years died and I’m feeling pretty desolate at the moment. I sometimes wonder if I can ever find a way through the inner loneliness but guess we just have to keep on keeping on!
I hope the day is kind to you.
Xx

Thank you Debra27 & Iam so sorry for your loss too.
I do feel very lucky that i had such a special friend and there are many things iam grateful for. I spent aloy of time with her during her last week in a hospice and, before she was heavily sedated, i was able to tell her alot about how special she sad to me. I know alot of people don’t get the chance to say goodbye properly totheir lived ones so Iam luckier than some. It doesn’t take away that the pain and panic about the future without her but Ian grateful for some things. Thank you for your support and advice. I do sometimes talk to her or ask her questions in my head.
Ian glad you have a special best friend to support you with your loss - they truly are precious.
Take care

Yes sadly I did not get to say a proper goodbye to my lovely husband. He telephoned me in the morning to tell me the doctors had started their rounds. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too. A couple of hours later he died of a pulmonary embolism and had already died by the time I got to the hospital. I still worry that he was scared and wanted me when he died, but it was unexpected and there was nothing I could do. He knew for certain how much I love him though and I have to console myself with that. I am so glad you had chance to say a proper goodbye to your friend, these things are so important. You take care too xx

That is so sad for you. We always get upset about the things we wish we’d done or said but, like you say, he knew you loved him.
Liam just struggling with memories this morning - they are happy times - but am just thinking what if I had known then that the time was limited? Why did it have to be her that this happened to? Just feeling really low today.
Thanks for replying

Hi how are you today?
I know what you mean about the inner loneliness. That is what Iam struggling with alot today.
So sad for you to lose your husband but it still is early days for you. 32 weeks is not very long.
Counselling is a very individual thing isn’t it? It really depends on the connection and how comfortable you are with that particular counsellor too. Iam going to give it a try and have an appointment next week because I feel so desperately lost & lonely and the future looks so bleak to me.
Take care of yourself

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