It’s been almost a year since I lost my friend. From diagnosis to her dying was just 6 weeks. We’d known each other for over 40 years and I considered her my best friend. I was devastated when she died but now that grief is turning to anger. I was pushed away prior to her passing in favour of work colleagues, there was no funeral, her ashes were scattered miles from home. I had to text someone, i barely knew to ask when this was happening! I knew I couldn’t go, couldn’t cope seeing her ashes being thrown into a river. I just needed to know when, so I could have a peaceful moment to reflect. Ive never had feelings of anger before , even after losing my parents, why now ?
I think anger is normal, I have only been in my grief for 6 weeks, although it seems like a life time and this week I have been getting angry. I want to scream and shout “thats enough now I can’t take anymore bring him back to me”. I am angry that his mother and step dad have outlived him, he was only 55, I am angry that he didnt go to the doctors and angry at myself that I didn’t force him to go to the doctors. Because you have been pushed out you will be feeling angry and rightly so. Could you try writing your feelings down in a journal, speak to your friend through a journal. Also keep writing on here we will all listen and reply and try to help. Even if we cannot help you we are by your side. Have you anyone else around that you can talk to ? Sending you a big hug .
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Thank you for your kind words in response. I have , since my friend died, been writing her cards and letters but I’ve had to hide them in case my hubby finds them and thinks I’m crackers. My hubby has been supportive but is equally upset.
Sending you big hugs too, you are in my thoughts xx
I don’t think your husband would think you are crackers, there is nothing wrong with doing that, i would tell him that you are struggling, feeling angry and you can support each other. I expect your hubby is upset because you are upset, he has lost part of you to the grief so doing ot together would be good for both of you. If you can’t tell him verbally show him these posts. He might want to start posting on here too 