Losing my best love

Hello, i lost my wife 7 months ago, i miss her so much, i cry and cry, mornings and evenings are by far the worst times especially when i wake up i still expect to have my arm around her. We were together 22 years on the 1st November, i met her on her birthday!
She died at home in my arms while i told her how much she was loved by me and the kids, i dont think time will heal this one, i talk to her all the time, im so broken now i dont know how to carry on.
My father passed away in july, i cant cry for him yet, i couldnt at his funeral, i just thought of my wife the whole time it seemed like a dream, i feel guilty about this but its just how its unfolded. Life is cruel.
Im self employed and had to get back to work after only a month because i was skint. We never thought we would need life assurance until the future. My wife was 44. She was my best love


@Solly Hi and sadly welcome onto the site. So sorry to hear of the passing of your wife it’s such a dreadful place to be. It’s been 11 months for me and it has got easier, I still talk to her all the time, still shed tears but the emotions have become less all consuming, less overwhelming. I never thought I would reach this point but I have. I’m now able to carry her with me, still full of loss and sadness but able to see and feel joy and at times peace with the world. I found coming on this site to be the best move I made in all of this, everyone here can understand your loss and your grief, we’re all somewhere on the same road. It’s been really helpful for me to talk to others that get it, hope it can be for you too.


I dearly wish could have cuddled my husband when he died but I was too late to get there was no magic carpet. So no idea what it was like really for him only what I was told. My mum died instantly on her own but was with my dad when he took his last breath.
I held his hand and he cuddled me and cried.
That is what is so hard about my husband and my mum. My baby was born dead so although cuddled him it was too late. Of course unless we meet someone else or one of my sons is with me I face thought fear of being alone like my mum. It is all cruel to face. My mum said she relied on faith and hope I can. My dad didnt want to see my mum when he was dying so I said write him a letter and i will read it to him. I did. They fell out. Then she felt terrible. I still have her letter. She felt so sorry and lonely. Now I know how she felt. I feel your wife was blessed you were there. I didn’t know my husband was going to die for sure then. We still hoped he would have longer. It will be a year on Saturday I’ve been alone.
Blessings to you and thoughts with you