Losing my brother & Dad

My brother committed Suicide in Jan 2017, the grief & heartache that caused to my parents and family l will never forget. My mum took a stroke & dad had a heart condition. I was so close to my brother & looked up to up as a child growing up. Dad blamed himself as he should have seen something in my brother, but nobody can predict when someone is going to take their own life. I had to be strong for my family & step up to get us all through this.
Then last year dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer the same time l got told out the blue my youngest son is going to need a kidney transplant!
In February dad passed away with Heart failure & when l received “that call” from the hospital it completely curve balled me as to how l received that news. It has taken until now to realise l have been in shock!, since dads passing mum has had another small stroke & had to self isolate for months with us checking in in her.
I miss my brother & dad terribly & find myself crying at the least thing. I can’t seem to shift the negative feeling of doubt & “what if” or “if only”. I feel l should be doing more for mum but being strong (as l am told l am) l don’t feel l am these days.
I throw myself into work but the nights & weekends give me too much time to think.
Am l the only one that feels isolated & confused?
Apologies, l have just come on this site tonight & not sure what l’m doing. X

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Hello Gemz,

I’m so sorry to hear everything that you have been through. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

Please continue to post on the community, you will find other users will offer their support very shortly.

Take care,


Online Community team

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Hey @Gemz, please don’t apologise, you have suffered two of the worst things that can happen to a person, and I am so sorry this happened. It’s difficult when people think you’re strong and you have to take all the responsibility, you’re doing an amazing job for your mum, please do not think otherwise. Feeling confused and isolated is a very normal feeling, hopefully by talking about how you’re doing at this forum, without being judged, will help you. I hope this weekend is a bit better for you. Please take care.

Thank you Audrey, l just feel very overwhelmed with grief. X

thank you Abdullah, l know it will take baby steps, l feel l can’t just think dad is still in hospital (as l thought after his passing) . I was so close to my dad and getting used to knowing l won’t see him or my brother again is painful. X

@Gemz, sorry, I forgot to ask about your son - that sounds scary, that he will need a kidney transplant. Is he already on dialysis? Hopefully he will find a donor soon, it’s very stressful waiting for the transplant to happen.

He’s about to go on the waiting list for kidney & pancreas transplant. I can’t seem to see beyond this point at the moment. I’m usually a positive person & still trying to be, however l feel so consumed & overwhelmed with everything.
He’s in 4th year of Uni, thankfully staying at home & working from home.
Thank you for asking after him though, its so kind of you. X

Awww, good luck to him, hopefully he can finish his degree without it affecting him, and then get his transplant and get on with his life. Hugggsss.

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