I lost my younger brother who was 34 in September and I’ve found Christmas and New year so incredibly difficult I think today has been the worst thinking he’s not here to start a new year never felt so down I don’t know what to do anymore I just cry all the time
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I lost my nan Christmas day 2020, and then my 30 year old brother in October.
This Christmas was already destined to be hard as it marked the 1st anniversary of losing my nan, but then with my brothers death it just added on to the pressure. And all I did on new years eve was cry.
You just gotta remember that you brother would be so angry at you for wasting your life, a life he could’ve been living. It’s brutal, and extremely painful, but the truth.
My brother had several disabilities which limited what he could do, for example, he had a visual impairment. But best believe he went to every concert that his favourite band held. He was constantly doing the things he loved, and didn’t let anything hold him back. So you need to carry on his legacy. Do what you want. Forget what people think. Live life to the absolute max as you’ll never know when your last day on earth may be.
I won’t lie and say it gets easier, because it doesn’t. But you do manage it better as time goes on. Even now, I’ll be laughing and joking, then suddenly this big dark cloud creeps over my head, and I’m wrecked with huge guilt and will just cry. But unfortunately that’s what grief is.
I don’t know if that feeling will ever go away. Maybe it might for you, but not for me, or possibly the other way round. But you’ll manage it better the longer you deal with it.
I hope your heart heals bit by bit soon. But I am always available for a rant or cry. Abi 
x
Im so sorry to hear your struggling,iam too…i lost my dad christmas day 2019 & then my brother 18 months later & i really struggled this last christmas & new year,trying to move to a new year without them is hard i found & my brother was only 2yrs older than me,so its hard to take.I miss them everyday ,take care,it does help to talk & i found counselling helps :@)
That is really hard, what you have been through. I lost my brother in August 2020, less than 4 years after my mum died. He was less than 2 years older than me. We had become close after mum died and even closer when he became ill.