I lost my older brother, 45 earlier this year. He died from liver failure due to alcohol with pancreatitis and diabetes type 1 as influencing factors. I’m struggling to come to terms with it.
We unfortunately fell out a year prior to his death, we always had a very up and down relationship! My brother had a lot of demons and due to constant drama and trouble brought to my door I made the decision to step back! I never thought deep down that we would never speak again! I will never get the chance to speak to him, to have been with him when he needed me! I feel so sad! That is the only word I keep using constantly, that I just feel so sad!
As soon as my dad rang me and told me he passed, I went down the hospital straight away and sat with him! We wasn’t informed how bad he was, he was always in and out! I saw him in hospital, at the morgue, at chapel of rest 3 times! I planned his funeral, wrote his eulogy and organised all flowers from my family! I tried my hardest to make it right for him! My way of taking the burden off my parents and also wanting to do it for him!
How do I begin to deal with my feelings, of hurt, of guilt, of sadness, of denial??? They come and go all the time and I still feel no different to the day I found out! I almost ignore it so I dnt feel it bt then when I do it hurts again!
Nothing I can do can ever change it! He’s gone and I won’t get to fix it!!!
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling so sad and struggling with guilt. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Just lost my brother on April 30th 2024 so it as been 9 months since my brother passed away because it is Christmas. I will round bit hard time for me keep crying and getting bit upset my Christmas won’t be the same this Christmas my brother would come spend some time with me keeping thinking of the good times. We had together
Your experience is almost identical to mine! I’ve just lost my brother, late 40s, due to illness caused by serious alcohol addiction. I tried so hard over the last few years to get him to turn his life around but I just couldn’t do it for him. I was there with him at the end, his last few weeks were not pretty at all. I don’t feel angry at him, I see it as a grip he was in that was just too tight to get out of. But now he’s gone, I feel all sorts of things, including anger, being lonely, anxious… If anyone asks how I am, my answer is usually’I don’t know!’