I’m new to this site. I’m feeling so sad and alone. It’s hard to type this. In May 2023, I lost both of my brothers, my only siblings to suicide. My older brother, Kenny May 3rd. My younger brother Spence May 30th. We were close. I’m in a deep hole. I’m a shell of who I once was. I go through daily motions, but I feel like I’m in a play, a movie. I miss them so terribly. I feel like I’ve lost my childhood. I miss their smiles, their laughter. My go to guys, for advice, laughter and supportive love. I don’t know how to go on. I found help with a suicide survivors group locally. The session is over and I miss the bond I developed with all of them. I’ve experienced grief in my life. My sweet Mom passed in January of 2020. My grief was huge, she was my dearest friend. Years have gone by, my heart still hurts, but I guess it was the naturalness of her death that made it more bearable? She lived a good life and passed at age 86.
I’m a hollow shell of a person, lost in a day to day world of unanswered questions, devastating sadness and feeling all alone in this new sick reality. Crying as I write this. And not able to really put it all in words.
Hello @Cantbreathe,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your brothers. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my brother of 51 this year in July he was my only sibling he had suffered depression alcohol problems we were very close and I was his support I tried to help him for years but in the end I could do no more, I have guilt everyday that I did not do anther and some days I got angry with him as I could see what he was doing to my mum and dad, we had some really good times and funny times, growing up we had a great child hood, he could just not cope with life. I miss him lots and feel lost now and just wish I could of done more xx
Hello sweet Cantbreathe, I’m so sorry to read your post. I lost my brother last year, and Christmas is really a trigger for memories. I found a lot of the pain came in the first month, then a calm, then at the 6 month mark it all came back again. My therapist says the first year is the hardest, then the second year it gets easier, then at the third year there are more memories overlaid and some form of acceptance. The well version of your dear family members would want you to reconstruct your life and have lots of experiences and when you guys are all reunited you can tell them about your adventures and even surprise them with the things you did. Live for that moment to come, and live to make the lives of the innocent better. It’s OK to have an “I don’t know box” and put things in it. You’re not alone dear one, you have the company of thousands of sufferers, think of all of us around you cheering you on and giving you a big hug!