Losing my dad after a long hard battle with Alzheimer's

I lost my dad last June, he was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the age of 68. I had such a close relationship with my dad especially growing up we would go on little adventures every weekend. He literally gave me the best childhood. When my dad reached the final stages of Alzheimer’s we decided to bring him home from the nursing home and care for him ourselves. His final few weeks were horrible to see him in pain, he gave up eating and just slept. My dad passed away during the night, I forever torture myself because I should of been with him but I was in hospital with my child at the time. I just can’t seem to get over the fact that he was on his own, something that I never wanted right from the start. I’ve never lost anyone close before so I don’t know what feelings are normal and what feelings aren’t . How long should I be greiving for ?? Im scared to go to the doctors and ask for help because I just don’t want to be wasting their time. I wake up every morning and he’s the first thing I think of and for the rest of the day he will keep popping up in my head. I cry every single day and I feel worse as the time goes by. I miss him so much and wish he could still be here. Looking at photos doesn’t give me any comfort it just makes the pain worse. I don’t have any friends which only adds to the loneliness. Yes I have a husband but I don’t feel like he understands me which led me here to this community. I just want to find people who are going through similar situations and to find out if how I’m feeling is the normal path to grieving. X

Hi sneedy 01

May I reassure you that everything you are feeling is normal.
I lost my active, funny and apparently healthy 74 year old mum in june to a sudden bleed on the brain.
Nearly 8 months on I still have weeks where I cry for days, i am still grieving terribly and occasionally think i should go to the doctor for medication.
However, i want to stay away from tablets and get through this myself as I have a couple of friends who went on to antidepressants years ago and just cant get themselves off.
Although I have some really good friends I dont want to see them. I have avoided all social events so far, even xmas ones.
I only want to be in work, alone or with my partner and 12 year old daughter.
My emotions still range from deep sadness to anger and bitterness and I dont think I will ever come to terms with losing her.
Hopefully I’ve made you feel less alone and normal. You will soon receive many replies from friends on this site who are feeling the same.
Cheryl x

Hi Sneedy01,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and what you’ve both had to go through. As Cheryl says, you are normal. I couldn’t see anything in your post that looked different to anything I’ve experienced in the last 5 months. I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of August while she was on holiday with my family. My dad only came into my life just over a year ago and is still around but in a care home many miles from me with dementia which is presenting an extra tough daily challenge. Both of these situations is almost creating a perfect storm for me at the moment.
I can connect with a lot of what you have said. The photo’s are painful to look at and yet I feel compelled to keep looking at them from happy times. Thoughts popping into your head at random but regular times is totally normal as is the realisation again and again of what’s happened. The desire for my mum to be around now has not diminished and now approaching the 6 month mark and a month when we had plans to go away on holiday together again is proving immensely hard. Everything seems real and not real at the same time.
I find this site to be the best therapy for my. Personally much better than tablets or group sessions but then that’s me, others may find a different approach better. The best thing about this site is that you will find that everything you think that may be odd about yourself, you’ll find most others experiencing the same things.
Personally I think grieving goes on forever. I know that sounds depressing but I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want my mum back or that I’ll ever forget the good times and want to do them again. My emotions are up and down on a daily basis but I always try to make space and time for them to do their thing. I will however eventually be able to enjoy life and manage the grief much better that I have been. We are allowed to be happy again and of course our mums and dad would always want that, we all know that to be true, however, it is a difficult road and one which you don’t have to walk alone when you are here.

Hi Cheryl
Thanks for your message, firstly I’m sorry you have lost your mum and I hope your keeping well. Yeah I’m hoping over time that I can find abit of comfort from this group by reading what other people are feeling and going through. Yes I don’t like taking medication so I would rather stay away from doctors, I’m hoping I can get through this without the need for tablets. I have days where I feel like totally giving up but I have 4 children to look after so I push through those feelings. Yes I feel the same I don’t ever think I will come to terms that I’ve lost him. Laura x

Hi Shaun
Thanks for the message, I’m really sorry to hear you lost your mum so suddenly. When I get myself into such a state I often think to myself that if my dad could see me know he would be going mad at me, he wouldn’t want me upset crying on a daily basis. I just get so angry at times I feel like my children have missed out on growing up with grandad now, my children are still at a really young age and when they get older they won’t remember him. Yes I agree with you I honestly think greiving will continue forever because it’s just like you say we both cannot imagine a time when we won’t want our mums and dad back. I just hope within time I can feel abit better than what I’m feeling now, and I really hope that over time you start to be happier. It’s a comfort to know that I can speak to people on this site as the last thing I would want is to be put on tablets, I’m hoping I can do this without medication.