Losing my dad and feeling guilty about leaving my mum.

Hi we found out my amazing dad had lung cancer on the 11th of February this year, Soon as I found out me and my partner packed are home up and moved back to my parents, As i work from home it would be me who will look after dad and take him to treatments. But sadly he did not even get to start treatment, On the 4th of march he was taken in as he could not breath buy the 5th he was on life support and me and mum sat with him for a week buy he just got worse, So we had to let him go, But was lucky enough to get to hold his hand till the end.
Its been a really hard 6 months, Mum and dads 25th anniversary has passed, Just dealing with life with out him in it is horrible. My problem is Me and my husband now live in my old bedroom with are dog, Its so hard, The plan in January was to move to spain and start a family, Mum said we should still go and that she will be fine, She has kids from a marriage before dad that she will go and see and friends but the fault of her being alone makes me so sad and full of guilt.
Am i wrong for wanting to ? Mine and my husbands life is on hold. But i can not shake this guilty feeling and adding that along with the sadness i feel is just horrible.

Hi amylou,

I work in the community team here and I just wanted to say welcome to the site. It sounds as though this year has extremely tough for you, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. It also sounds like you have been a massive support to both your dad and mum over this time.

I’m wondering if you have had a proper conversation with your partner and mum about your options? What were their thoughts?

Take care,

Kate

Hi thank you for your reply, I often speak to mum about it, she knows we had are hearts set on moving before dad got ill, she’s always says she’s happy for us to go, it takes no time to get home of something was wrong, I just can’t help but feel really guilty and selfish for going,

It’s cheaper to live there and life’s just more relaxed than here. X

Hi amylou,

It’s important to remember you have been through an incredibly tough time and you need to take care of yourself, so I’m glad you’ve had that conversation with your mum.

Are there any plans you can put in place with your mum to help you both? For example visiting once every so often, perhaps staying for a period of time? Or organising visits from other friends or relatives? It might even be your mum agreeing to take up volunteering or catch up with old friends over a cup of coffee.

Take care,

Kate

Hi AmyLou,
I know exactly how you are feeling my dad passed in July after having fought mnd for 3 years I cared for him along with just his partner.
Just before he got ill I found out I was pregnant so me and partner was planning on moving away from my home town till we found out and I kept my family home when my dad and his partner moved close by into a bungalow that he could move around in his wheelchair. i have wanted to follow on with these plans since his passing but feel guilty on his partner who moved over here with my dad to help care for him and don’t want to leave her on her own now my dads no longer here.
The guilt is such a weight on your heart I know.

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