Hi, im new here, i have quite a long story but i wanted to share,as i am unable to feel i can talk to anyone, even my partner.
My Dad died in hospital on 18th December 2024,after a awful month stay.He had COPD and severe heart failure. He really struggled at home with the situation with my mum and my sister.My mum has vascular dementia and severe heart failure, and my sister is her live in carer. My sister over last few years become very coercive and controlling of both parents.making decisions, finances, taking over there bank accounts online.Causing friction in the family. Myself and 2 daughters tried helping with the care, as my sister wont allow carers from outside in to my mum.My poor dad suffered daily with being unable to talk about emotions,seeing my mum deteriorate,my sister being verbally abusive.He ended up a shell of a man, telling social services he was scared of my sister, and if it wasnt for my mum he wouldnt be here.My parents were married 55 years, and were inseparable. I have had mental health problems and struggle with my sister,as she doesnt like opinions or any suggestions offered. My dads passing has left a big hole in my life, i was his support,taking him to appointments and he would talk to me.I managed to get him to a social worker at princess alice hospice, for who he opened up to,but my sister stopped him going out altogether.threatening him, saying if you talk to anyone about what goes on indoors they will put mum in care home.It was all to much for my dad to hold in.he told drs in hospital, he wasnt allowed to talk.He was taken in hospital many times, with exhaustion, and his COPD exasperated,needing hospital intervention.I feel so numb, i tried my hardest to help my Dad, but he got so poorly, and couldnt cope with the ongoing situation at home.My mum got really nasty with words and my sister would get him to sit with my mum while she was so nasty and bitter sundowning.I am really struggling to deal with my dad being gone, I was up hospital with my daughters everyday,between us, as hospital was terrible, and we had to look after him in there as they didnt do alot for him. Ive been unable to really grieve as ive had to deal with finances and funeral plans. My sister has even changed my mums funeral plan to burial when my mum wanted cremation,and now my mum doesnt have mental capacity, so she is doing as she pleases.Its the worst situation and im really unable to deal with losing my dad, and the feeling of losing my mum,although shes still here.im sorry its so long but just needed to vent a bit.thank you for reading…kim
Thank you vicky, i have raised 5 or more safeguarding over the last 2 years, and nothing has been done., They think it is sister rivalry, as i didnt have any proof, as my dad was afraid of my sister and my daughters wouldnt say anything against there auntie.It has really upset me that my own children, but there adults, doesn’t help to let the professionals know. I have raised one since my dad passed away as i made a promise to my dad that i would protect my mum, and he had always refused leaving my sister alone with my mum. Saying when i took him to appointments that he wanted to go straight home as he didn’t want my mum to be with her. He cancelled appointments in the end as he was told not to tell anyone anything about what goes on in the house. He witnessed my sister shouting at my mum when she was agitated,holding her arms to try calm her, if my mum asked for me she would say she dont want to hear my name , swearing. She talks to my mum as if shes a child. We was advised to only tell mum once of dads passing, when we felt mum was in better frame of mind, my sister told her when she was agitated, and i had to go up to my mum as she was so upset. She has told her twice so far, and i got a vvideo link for the funeral and my sister purposly got my mum up out of bed in her chair, and made sure she was awake to watch it. She is so cruel, it beggars belief why she would do all this to my mum and to my poor dad.