Losing my dad my best friend

Hi 7 weeks ago I lost my dad he was a fit man with no health problem he was 75 I saw him every day I was so close to him he started feeling ill he went to doctors just thinking he had a chest infection one Sunday we took him to hospital because he was struggling to breathe on the Monday we was told he had lung cancer and it had gone into his brain we got him home Tuesday he passed away Wednesday at 3. But since he went I can’t cope I’m crying all the time I’m having panic attack I can’t believe he’s gone I didn’t have time to get my head round it I don’t no how to cope with it he’s on my mind all the time I have no one to talk to my mom won’t talk about it I feel empty inside can anyone give me advice I’ve had the it will get easier speech but it’s just getting worse I hate being in my house because I’m on my own I hate everything at the moment and don’t see any point in anything anymore

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Hi Jackie47

Sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your dad.

Both my parents died suddenly with no warning. My dad was many years ago aged 53 but my mum was 3 years ago aged 74 and still very active, happy and enjoying life.

There is no easy way to overcome the shock of what has happened or the getting used to them being gone. It’s been a dreadful 3 years for me but eventually things will get better for you even though it doesn’t seem possible right now.

Just take things one day at a time and look after yourself. Eventually the rawness will subside and you will start to enjoy little things again.

I offer this with the experience of having got through something that I never believed possible. I had 4 months off work and thought I would never recover. Although, I am changed forever, I do enjoy life again and I do see bits of the old me emerging again. However it has taken 3 years to get here.


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I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. Your story is very similar to mine. I lost my mum 7 weeks ago to lung cancer and it’s been a huge shock to the system. I feel your pain and loss. I went on holiday to see my mum to spend time with her. Within 6 days she was gone. She was only 72 living a very active life.


Hi sorry to here about your mom it’s so hard only people that have gone through it understand my dad lost his voice the sunday night I left the hospital at 1 30 the first night he went into hospital we didn’t no at that point what was wrong when I went back Monday morning he couldn’t talk we don’t no if it was the cancer or a stroke but that was really hard because I still don’t no if he new what was going on or what was happening I have so many questions if he new we was all there if he new what was going on because he thought it was just a bad chest infection I don’t no how you are coping but it gets worse every day

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Hi sorry to here about your loss I was hoping someone could help me deal with the hurt the crying the anger the not wonting to be here but it looks like I’ve got to try and deal with it but it’s so hard but thank you x

Hi,I probably no how you are feeling,I lost my dad my rock 8mths ago,and it’s just like the first day I lost him,I’m devastated,I don’t no my place in the world anymore without my dad,I saw him everyday and spoke on the phone 4 times a day,let me just explain,I have two adult children who live in different towns to me and are building there life,a brother who I don’t see often but we love each other but he never did anything for my dad,and a partner of over 35 years,who doesn’t really understand me at all.
I can’t offer you a magic wand my lovely,to bring your dad back as that’s what I want to do with my dad,I want to scream shout my dads dead BRING him back to me,lose my mind,don’t want to live anymore just want my dad back,so I’m not one to help with what you should be or shouldn’t be doing feeling etc and for that I’m deeply sorry,but I’m a good listener or if you want to rant n rave we can do it together,even tho everyone says it,YOU are not alone,( this is the first time I’ve reached out on any online forum,or voiced my feelings )

Thank you for what you have said this is the first time I have I thought of my self a strong woman with a grown up child aswell I’ve always been on my own but now I hate being on my owe but I don’t want to see anybody like you I feel no one want to talk or understand I feel the same as you my dad was everything I saw him every day I can’t get my head around that I’m never going to see him I feel I can’t really say what I’m feeling to anyone because no one really wants to no they just say they do I wish I could be honest with someone how I feel I hope you can talk to me

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My dad was fitter then me he was still working UpTo 2weeks before he passed then he started getting out of breath went of his food we tuck him to the doctors and he said it looks like a chest infection but we will send for a x-ray week later he had an x-ray but he got worse started getting confused all within 2 weeks so we tuck him to hospital on Sunday still thinking it was a chest infection I left the hospital at 1 30 in the morning left my mom with him Monday morning we was told he had lung cancer and it had spread to his brain when I went over in the morning he couldn’t speak that was the hardest thing because I left him speaking it goes through my mind all the time I should of stayed and what was he thinking when all of a sudden he couldn’t speak did he no he must of been so scared because he just thought he had an infection I stopped Monday night in the hospital with him and he had enough of people sticking needle in him I managed to get him home Tuesday and because I was tired I went home to get some sleep and at 3 I got a call to say he had gone I rushed to the house I only live down the road from him I couldn’t believe it not for one minute did I think he would leave me that night I hate myself for not staying there there is so much more I want to say about this but it’s hard trying to do it typing I wish I could meet up with you to talk

Yes of course we can talk to each other maybe help each other a bit,I’m going to bed now,but I will always reply to you,might just take me a bit as I have a lot of health issues,so how about what are you feeling do you want to rant to me,or what I’ve found is nobody will talk about my dad,like everyone loved my dad he was always smiling,always cheerful and was a fit and independent man still driving and was a very young 83 years young,til nov last year, when he was taken and nobody will talk about him '!!! Except me,I talk to my dad all the time his pictures etc,not mad talking just morning kiss him picture and chat etc your in earlier stages of grief so it’s very very raw for you so you just say what you would like ok
So tell me a bit about your dad if you would like to,my names mandy by the way I’m 55 I live in swansea,South Wales United Kingdom x

I no I find typing difficult as it’s hard to express properly that’s why I’m waiting to have face to face council as I find it easier,but it so difficult to go on waiting this,that’s when this popped up tonigh,I thought why not as your title,it seems our dads were fitter than us,as my dad could run my legs off,my dads stomach started swelling they told us he had gall stones but I had them,they took him in hospital said he had an infection,then that he had liver cancer but once infection had gone he could live twelve months or more,he didn’t he died within two weeks ,due to COVID they gave me one visit a week ONE I never spent a day away from my dad,it broke my heart,they told me Friday that he had deteriorated and allowed me in,he was being sedated,when he woke he was nasty a very strong man my dad and was hard to hold it broke me not just my heart it broke me,I took a few breaks from Friday back and for hospital they were ringing me Sunday morning to come over asked my permission to remove drugs etc my dad never woke again he passed 2::25pm 5th dec 2021,the time my life ended,
Oh I’m sorry if you think I might be making you worse lovely you just say maybe I might not be the right one to chat to you decide x

I think you are because I feel like that yes it is early days for me but I feel like you my world has ended I don’t see any point any more I just want the pain to stop I have no one to talk to my dad did everything for me and for everyone else he was my world I saw him every day I can’t imagine next week without him never mind the rest of my life I’m 47 I still have my mom and sister daughter and 2 grandkids but it just doesn’t feel enough I no I should he great ful for having them but I really can’t cope with not seeing my dad no one understands no one wants to talk I hope I can help you but I don’t think I can apart from listening to you x

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Well if you feel we can muddle along and chat in an out if you would like to,I’m not very technical and new to this to navigate around,I think there is a private message chat I think I saw that way we can keep up together,but only if you want to I am a good listener and chatter just what I’m saying is I’m not top notch on advice of this as going through it myself as well as you,but if you want a new mate then I’m here xxx

Yes i completely understand. It’s the unanswered questions that can really hit you. My mum got told she had stage 4 cancer when she was admitted to hospital. I couldn’t get my head round it because she had been so active up until that point. Her lungs collapsed while she was there and went straight into intensive care. The following day she passed away. My mum lived in Spain and the hospital care out there is beyond awful. I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole of thinking about whether the hospital in spain made errors. It’s been really tough and seeing my mum in intensive care was traumatising for me. I was with her on the last day before she went into intensive care. I have signed up for counselling because i find for the people around me life moves on but i’m still grieving. It’s so fresh for me and get flashbacks. I have been for one session already and it was good to talk about what happened to my mum. I want to talk about it all the time but you can see the uncomfortable look in peoples face of not knowing what to say. I’m still crying a lot but there are moments where i feel normal. The scariest thing i’m experiencing is the episodes of my mind blanking out. I have been told it’s stress. Have you been experiencing something similar? Do you have any support?

Hi Jackie

There are things you can try such as counselling and exercise and meditation. I’m sure these things have worked for others. For me they did nothing and I just had to work through the pain.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help but I just wanted to reassure you that things will get better…in time.

It’s easy for people to say that but from someone who has been through it and never thought I would survive, I have and I hope it will give you a bit of encouragement.

I no exactly what you are saying,even though your mum passed in Spain,I’m really devastated on the nhs the treatment,even when my dad was dying we were not put anywhere like a private room,but still in his four bed room with tv on people chatting laughing etc and we had just a curtain pulled around then when dad passed being talked to and advised what happens next in a corridor with another patients relative having a chit chat lots of other things as well I have so many questions but it’s been 8 months now I suppose my dads file is gone,my partner says stop worrying and it’s gone past now,but I just want to no was my dad ok when they would only give me a one visit a week,…so much more I want to say I’m screaming inside,
As for the brain fog I’ve got a lot of illness myself and on high medication but even tho I have fibromyalgia foggy brain,yes it’s got far worse than I ever was before dad passed,really lose words really lose track and do stupid things for no reason items put in places,I don’t no if this is how it is or not.thinking of you x

Jackie47 How are you doing lovely x

Hi I’m doing ok went to cemetery today I go every week but went to my mom’s after I broke down saying I miss my day so much all I got is pull your self together he’s gone and that’s it I thought I would get some comfort of my mom but no I’m all alone but listening to other people on here it’s nice to no that I’m not alone in feeling the way I do how you feeling x

That is ment to say dad not day x