Hello everyone.
I have just joined this community because I woke up today and thought. I need to do something. I need to share what I’m going through so I don’t feel so isolated.
First of all, I want to pass condolences and love to everyone here, whomever you have lost, I am gutted for you.
My Dad lived with Parkinson’s. Debilitating and I watched him suffer all the while my Mum deteriorated as his full time carer. He died, albeit peacefully, 6 weeks ago.
We all lived through his illness for 7 years and it was so very hard. In the end he was bedbound. He was ex forces and it broke him, and us all.
We are so devastated for him and I feel like I’ve grieved him for years prior to his death. I feel so lost now, quite lonely in this grief despite knowing so many are going through hard times after losing someone.
Very sad and struggling to find direction.
Hugs to those that want and need them out there.
Hello @Laura22,
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you will find lots other members sharing their experiences of living with grief after losing a parent.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out 
Alex
Hi so very sorry for loss of your Dad, me too. Lost my Dad on 5th June, he had Parkinson’s too and was extremely forces. About five years we watched him suffer and deteriorate steadily. My Mum wouldn’t let me help with his care and my dad didn’t want me to either. I saw him day before the morning he died. His last words to me were bog off jokingly as we were having a joke with him. Breaks me I didn’t tell him I loved him that time. He died next morning suffering again, he had a seizure and I got to him just as his heart stopped beating (paramedics were there). I so hope he knew I was there. I’ve had a terrible day today. Think I’ve been blocking everything out but it hits you like a sledge hammer doesn’t it?
I miss him so very very much. I just wasn’t ready even though he was 84.
Oh my lovely
He knew you were there I just know it.
Bad days are so so difficult aren’t they.
Please keep talking to me if you want it sounds like we have much in common from what we’ve been through and what we are going through.
Parkinson’s is so cruel and I am so cross with the disease!
Oh my lovely
He knew you were there I just know it.
Bad days are so so difficult aren’t they.
Please keep talking to me if you want it sounds like we have much in common from what we’ve been through and what we are going through.
Parkinson’s is so cruel and I am so cross with the disease!
I am so so sorry you have lost your dear Dad.
Mine was 77.
None of this is easy.
The sledgehammer.
Yes it feels like that.
Hey there glad you’ve replied x. Yes definitely keep in touch especially as we have so much in common. Yes the bad days are just awful.
77 is young still really, bless you. I hate Parkinson’s too, watching them deteriorate and suffer it’s an extremely cruel disease.
I hope today is a bit better than yesterday for you x
Ah thanks Laura, yes it is thank you I’ve called in sick at work for the week (only few hours) but can’t even cope with a few hours. I’ve decompressed today, just done whatever I feel like, potter, nap etc didn’t realise how on edge I was. Hoping I’ll manage these days better now. Looking for grief counselling too.
How are you? When did you lose your Dad? Hope you can find comfort as well. What forces was your Dad in? Mine was in RAF, grew up abroad. I still see my Dad suffering with the Parkinson’s, did your dad’s mobility go too? Sorry for all the questions, you don’t have to tell me especially if it hurts too much xx
It’s fine Emily,
Also well done taking time for yourself. Much needed.
I’m not at work right now (signed off for a little bit) so I can get through some emotions or at least feel stable with them and not an emotional wreck!
I lost Dad on July 22nd, he had become immobile in the last year or so and bed bound on the months leading to his death.
He was a Royal Marine Commando.
Was hard to watch the strong Man he was vanish.
I am ok, I didn’t want to get out of bed really but got up and got on with it. Put on a pair of Dads socks I kept which gave me comfort and have had a walk with good company.
Good luck finding a group I hope you can so you have some great support around you x
It’s hard to see the suffering, I can imagine that was so hard for you - how proud you must be of your Dad who was in the RAF.
When dad died, I let the disease go with him, I am angry at it!! but so I could get the happy memories back…. I’m remembering day by day Dad was so much more than the disease that savaged him and changed him.
Do you feel anything like that?
Hi Laura
It’s Kirsten not Emily lol, it’s fine honestly if your anything like me at moment my memory is awful for everyday stuff. Yes that’s why I’ve took time off work, too depressed and sad, no energy hardly at all, no get up and go. Yes I separated the awful illness from my dad, remembering him how he was before it really started taking effect. My dad was chair bound virtually my Mum kept him moving, I didn’t agree but that’s another story. You must be so proud of your Dad too, marine commando! My dad was chief technician in RAF then he joined Police Force until retirement. I have my dad’s wedding ring and CDs I’ve also had a bear made out of one of his shirts. I bet that your dad’s socks bought comfort.
I’ll be having grief counseling soon are you going to have it?
I feel so tired and low at moment, grief is awful.
Kirsten!
So sorry about the name.
Brain not working well.
So many similarities here it’s unbelievable.
I hope you’ve felt a bit lighter today.
We can only try our best.
Find comfort in every way you can right now x
Hi sorry for delay in replying. Honestly it’s absolutely fine lol I understand the brain not working well. How are you? I’ve been looking at photos today. To be honest not been great. It comes in waves doesn’t it. Hope your ok. X
Don’t worry
Awe photos, they bring such a range of emotions and thank God we have them.
Big hug.
I’m in the garden looking at the sky tonight. I saw a shooting star.
I don’t know what it means prob nothing but i spontaneously said Hi Dad.
I guess I hoped it was a sign or something.
Anyways
Hope you’re ok
Hi Laura
Yes that shooting star 
was probably a sign. I asked my Dad for an unmistakable sign and he sent one. I’m a very spiritual person I do cards etc. Trust in your intuition x
Hope your ok today x
That’s so interesting - wow I’m glad you got a sign from your Dad.
I am extremely intuitive and I believe in being open to signs.
I’m ok, cooked Mum a roast dinner at mine. Talking about Dad and trying to have some time all of us in a nice way x
Hope you’re ok today.
Hiya
Yes I swear it was a sign from my Dad. Definitely trust your intuition.
I didn’t do much this weekend but start a Reiki course today, really looking forward to it.
Do you have trouble with your sleep since your Dad passed? Mines terrible was awake at 2 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. It’s horrible and ruins your day.
Hope you have a good day today x
Hey,
Yes my sleep was an issue for a while and occasionally still. I sleep better now but generally exhausted in terms of how my body feels.
Good luck with Reiki! Sounds like it will be good for you.
Look after yourself and let me know how your course goes!!
Hi Laura
How are you?
Sorry you’ve been exhausted.
I had terrible anxiety yesterday. I feel exhausted now today. I flip from depression to anxiety and back again or both. What about you?
Thank you, yes it hopefully will be good for me and others I use it on I hope lol
Next class is Monday, we’ve done a bit of the basics up to yet.
Hope you have a good weekend
Hello,
I’m ok, sad and anxious quite a bit, but ok. So yes I think I do flip back and forth.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had bad days and are exhausted, I can completely understand it.
Rest and be kind to yourself.
I have been quite anxious generally but I just breathe and try to do one day or minute at a time.
My mum needs to have an operation- date to be confirmed but I’ve gone into a panic about that too but I understand why I have. So scared she’s my Mum and I’ve just lost Dad xx
Man it is hard isn’t it.
Big hugs to you, sending strength x
Hi Laura,
I can totally empathise with you, I lost my dear Dad 17/09 and he was ex-army (RE) and has always been the strongest person I know - in every sense of the word. He didn’t once moan about his prognosis. But in his last few weeks and days especially, he became so frail and weak. I have never seen my Dad like that, even after minor ops in the past he was always up and about doing far too much! I knew he was frustrated with himself and it was a hard watch. So although it was all very quick for us, I’m thankful that he didn’t have too long to live with the frustration we could see.
Sending you best wishes 