It’s coming up to 5 weeks on Sunday since my Dad passed. It was a normal family Sunday. We’d had a roast with the family. He and my oldest Brother were placing bets on the horses. It was just a normal day. My Dad was diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago, he had good days and bad days but this Sunday was one of his best. He was happy and he was eating well.
Myself and my mum were upstairs, I was getting my stuff ready for work next day, Mum was in the bath when he called up to ask if his BP was normal (My dad had hypertension so he’d regularly check his BP) it was within normal range. I told him I’d be down soon. 10 minutes later, I went down to let my dog out and I happened to look into the lounge from the stairs and seen my Dad was slumped in the chair and he’d been sick. I worked in care for many years so I knew as soon as I seen him that he’d gone. I quickly called for an ambulance and attempted CPR whilst on speaker phone to the call handler. I had to drag him onto the floor which, thankfully he wasn’t a big man but the panic and the trauma of this will haunt me for the rest of my life.
We visited him in the chapel of rest and we’ve held his funeral but I feel like my brain is playing tricks on me because it’s almost as if I believe he’ll walk back through the door at anytime. I feel guilty for not being able to bring him back. I feel guilty for not being with him when he passed. I just feel guilty and whenever I think of him and what I witnessed that night, my heart feels like it’s going to smash out of my chest. I don’t feel like I’m grieving because I don’t believe he’s really gone.
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Hello Niclou
I firstly want to send you my condolences on the passing away of your beloved dad.
The raw grief in your message is heartbreaking. However, the enduring love you have for your dad shines through.
Your dad had dementia for three years and you and your mum were ensuring he was at home and living the life he deserved with all of you around him.
The Sunday when your dad passed away sounded to begin with an ideal day. You and your mum did all you could for your dad on that day and every day long before that.
I know you say you feel guilty and I know me telling you that you did absolutely everything that day for your dad might not change your thoughts, but you did. He was your world and you were his. You were a wonderful daughter to your dad and you did all you could.
There are more people who will message you to support you and ensure that you are doing as well as you can do in the circumstances. Continue to keep adding more messages. It does help a bit. I speak from experience.
Your dad passed five weeks ago. You will be lost, angry at the world. You won’t believe it has happened. This is very early days in your grief.
You will expect to see your dad in the house or coming through the door as he always did. This is natural. I do this myself. My beautiful mam passed away nearly 10 weeks ago. I lived with her 60 years . She was my world and I was hers. We had each other. Now I don’t have anyone anymore. When I look at the armchair where she sat on a night if I am a bit tired, this thought goes through my head; I will see you in the morning mam.
Mam had Alzheimer’s for the last three years. I cared for her from getting up to going to bed. I loved our routines and caring for her. She had a beautiful smile and even though in pain at times, I never heard her complain.
God bless you and all your family. I send you all my kindest regards and best wishes. Stephen. 
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Hi Stephen,
I send my most sincerest of condolences to you too for the loss of your Darling Mum, and thank you for your beautiful message.
Your Mum would be proud of how you took care of her in her final years. Unfortunately, we’re still none the wiser as to which form of dementia my Dad had, but caring for our parents is the least we can do. I feel so privileged to have been able to do that for him. I just wish I’d had longer with him. I commend you for all you done for your Mum, too. I’m sad to hear you don’t have anyone around you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to chat.
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Hi Niclou81
Thank you very much. Also, I really appreciate your kind words. Mam did get a diagnosis but it took a while, but I know from Dementia UK, that not everyone does.
You and your mum and I also apply this to me, realise how important family is and caring for each other. You and your mum cared for your dad at home, as I did with mam. They had a wonderful loving environment.
Not all siblings or partners do for their loved ones as you did for your dad and I did for mam.
Thanks for keeping in touch. I appreciate it very much. God bless and sending you all my best wishes. Stephen.