Losing my dad

well after reading alot of your messages I now know what I’m feeling is normal but the difference is you all get it,i lost my dad suddenly 3months ago,wow im totally lost, numb ,feel like I can’t breathe and all though I got my family round me and bless they trying to help but they don’t get my pain he wasn’t just my dad he was my best friend,like you guys I no energy, relationship a mess due to all the stress I know my dad wouldn’t want me to suffer like this with the pain and heartache but I just don’t see me ever dealing with this pain inside
And to top it off my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer last year and I know this might sound selfish towards my mum but I was prepared for her ,I love her lots she my mum but I been with her threw all treatment and felt all her pain so I understand what she going threw,but my dad i cant get my head round
Think I stop now im having a right rant on here sorry

Hi Michelle,

Please do not ever apologise for having a rant - you were not, you are in a lot of pain, and have every right to talk about it as much as you like. No one here would ever tire of listening to your grief.

It is devastating to lose a parent when they are your best friend - my dad died in April, and he was my best friend, and like you, I feel devastated. There are times I too find it dififcult to breathe, such is the pain. You are not alone in your suffering, and at this forum you will find people who can appreciate what you;re going through.

No need to feel guilty about your mum - you love her, but are prepared for what will happen to her, your dad’s passing away was a shock. That can make it more difficult to deal with.

Have you considered counselling? Cruse and Sue Ryder provide counselling over the phone and online, it might help you, lots of people have benefitted from it.

In the meantime, please continue to post here whenever you want to without feeling like you are ranting - you’re not.

All the best.

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Thankyou for reply Abdullah, I find it hard to talk to my family ,my partner is strong and here for me ,but I feel like he don’t get me,bless he just says you get threw this but then I ask my self will I, recently thought about counselling but didn’t want to look like I’m weak and can’t cope with what life dealt me,I’m the strong one of the family ,so I really don’t know how to cope and the next steps,but I took one step today i expressed abit of my feelings on here ,small steps I here him say ,thankyou just one reply means alot

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Hi Michelle, it is difficult when you’re the strong one of the family, because you’re the one who is always expected to help others but never seek help yourself, so I can understand why you are a bit wary of seeking counselling, but the truth is that going to counselling isn’t being weak, on the contrary I think it is being incredibly brave and is a sign of strength. The good thing about counselling is that you will always get to dictate the conversation, no one will tell you what you should be feeling like now, or decide what to talk about, counselling gives you an opportunity to talk about how you’re feeling on your own terms.

Your partner sounds like someone who really wants you to get better, but doesn’t know how to help - that is normal, people just don’t know what to say when someone is in terrible pain from their grief. At this site you will find people who have been through what you’re going through, so it is great you took the step of coming here and talking about your suffering, it’s a very busy morning here today so you might not get as many replies, but don’t let that put you off, and please keep posting whenever you want to.

Yet again thanks Abdullah
I may look into counselling in my area ,i know they say it helps but if I’m honest its also finding time as I feel like I don’t get a min to myself which I’m not that bothered about as I dnt think then about why my life as change in last 12months 2020 loosing my dad and then told mum terminal ,really don’t think I can deal with all this ,I could deal with my mum illness as I got my dad to help me thew it,but now my life turn completely upside down because I now not only have to deal with my mum but my best friend my dad i can’t see me ever getting over this pain
My family keep trying to help but I just shut them out and told them I fine ,but really deep down I died when my dad passed 3months ago

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