I don’t even know where to start…I am new to this community as I feel I need somewhere safe I can express my feelings without being judged or scrutinised.
I suddenly lost my Dad in January after he fell and hit his head whilst away,ironically at his friend’s Mum’s funeral.
I got a phone call from my uncle at 8am whilst at work to tell me…I left work at 9 after we found someone to cover my class…got home at 10:45am (its a 2 hour drive)…got to the airport at 1:30pm, on a flight at 3pm, drove to the hospital, got there at 6pm and then switched his machines off at 11:00pm…he was gone by 11:20pm!
It was such a shock…I still don’t think I have my head around what actually happened, 4 and half months later!
I absolutely loved (still love) my Dad but it was a tricky relationship…he had remarried and lived hours away from us but we saw him as much as we could and I rung him every week if not twice a week.
I honestly thought my Dad would be around for a hell of a long time to come and be around for all the special family occasions but at the moment I just feel robbed…I thought I was coming through the other end but then there are days where all I do is think about what could have been…the regret of not existing in his new life, what would have happened if I was? Would I have more of a relationship with my Dads side if I did? I have completely mixed emotions these days and struggling to get a handle on them!
Sorry for the rant…just needed to get it off my chest!
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Hi, and welcome to the community. First never apologise, we are all here for each other because we have all lost a loved one.
It sounds an awful day and those memories will stay with you, they are a big part of your life.
The guilty feelings all part of grieving and you should try to ignore them because most times there’s little or no point in trying to change the past.
You will find that some days are fine and then suddenly without reason grief hits you with a sledgehammer. We all have those days.
Try to be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up over things that you can’t change. We are all here for you and reading others post helps you to see that what you are feeling are all normal.
If you think counselling would be useful then both Sue Ryder and Cruse offer free sessions. Take care Sxx
-https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
-https://www.cruse.org.uk/
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Hi @SusieM,
Thank you so much for your comments.
I have had an horrendous day today but that happens most Tuesdays! 19 weeks since he died and I thought time would help…
So hard to explain how I am feeling, so find it so hard to talk about it!
Hello, I know those horrendous days. You say you find it difficult to talk about your dad and that up is we’re a good counsellor can help and I do hope you look at having some sessions, it should help. Please think about it or see if your GP can offer help with some form of counselling.
Look after yourself and be kind to yourself. S xx