A year ago come the 23rd of August I lost my Dad, something I never thought would happen for a long time.
I moved back in with my parents after my divorce as it was the only way I could financially survive & Mum & Dad insisted that I moved back home.
Last year as the covid pandemic seemed to be easing after 2 years of extreme caution all 3 of us in our house tested positive with the delta strain.
I tested positive first followed by my Mum 2 days later then Dad the next day.
I’m not vaccinated but had no problems or serious effects from it so I automatically thought as both Mum & Dad were both fully vaccinated they would be ok too.
How wrong I was, Mum was quite poorly but got over it but my Dad, it just totally wiped him out, it totally destroyed his lungs & kidneys.
Since losing my Dad I can’t even begin to explain just how much I hurt inside.
I’m a taxi driver for a living & it’s through my job that I brought covid into our home, passed it to my parents & lost my Dad because of it.
Since the day Dad died I have just a total numbness feeling, I look around & see his hat & jacket in the hall way, I see his chair in the living room where he sat, I see his golf clubs in the garage & everything.
I spend my time in his garden keeping it like he always had it so I can keep him alive but it’s not enough.
I miss him so much & so does my Mum, it hurts to see her miss him aswell.
I’m not sleeping or eating too well after nearly a year & get bad anxiety attacks even panic attacks, I also constantly worry about my Mum & how she’s feeling.
How do we move on from this, is there something wrong with me for not eating properly or sleeping.
I have never missed someone so much & I can’t see how things are ever going to get better.
Please if anyone can help me & Mum, I will be ever so grateful.
heartbreaking!
I am SO terribly sorry. when my dad died my mother and I struggled on alone. I know how you might feel. as for the guilt, do not visit that on yourself.
Covid was a killer, out to take out anyone it could. the virus moved through us all to find its next victim.
Stress and grief ail us to that point … but it seems your guilt might be at fault, too.
the more you worry for your mom, the more you stress her out. no parent wants to see an unhappy child. a happy child is their greatest joy. a happy child ensures that they did good.
let go. for what if something happens to your mom and those last years are marred by this. your dad would not want that. the dead know how short life is … and they would tell us to live it to the fullest.
do not be down. pull yourself together after a solid year of grieving a little bit and try to make life pleasant for your mum … and you too.
a couple was struck by lightening in Washington DC there for their wedding anniversary. we never know, do we.
p.s. counseling helped me greatly. I would recommend it highly for you both.
Thanks so much to everyone who has replied to my post about my Dad, it means so much to me & Mum & it’s so nice to have somewhere I can talk & say how I feel.
I miss Dad so much & never knew I could hurt so much but I’ve list myself in doing Dad’s garden, he loved spending time in it & keeping it looking excellent all year round.
I have made a little memorial garden for him at the side of our house & I so hope & pray that he can look down & see it & that both me & Mum have done him proud.
gorgeous flowers! elegant and lovely. so hard to lose such very sweet looking people. all we can do is be happy we had these times and people. such is life.