I must have been on this website countless times and wrote something out. But as most of you know, it’s so incredibly difficult to put into words.
I lost my dad last June. We are nearing his first anniversary and while i have struggled all year, this week has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I feel completely alone in this grief. I have a great support network, with my partner and friends, who i wouldn’t have coped without.
But they didnt lose their dad. They can hold me and tell me it will be okay but they will never understand just how much i lost last year and how hard it is without him.
I sit and go over every decision i made, how could i change something that would have made everything okay. I made every decision about his care and i know i did the best with the options to me, i know i did what he would have wanted but i still cant shift this guilt. I know something could have been different if i only knew what was coming.
I still text him and tell him about my day. He was the person i trusted with everything. He knew every detail of my life and was my biggest supporter. He was my absolute best friend and i miss him so much.
A selfish part of me wishes for a sibling. Someone who loved him like i did, who knew what a great dad he was and misses him like i do. Just someone to say i made the right choices and tell me it’s okay to cry at donkey adverts on tv or understand why certain scents set me off.
I know we all lose our parents, but no one can prepare us for what it feels like. I think if he had even made it to 70 this wouldn’t feel so hard. But he was 60. I was not prepared to lose him so soon with something that should have been avoidable. A simple bug picked up in a hospital ward completely destroyed my family.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
@teaa I kno where you’re coming from. Unless you’ve been thru it you can’t explain. My Dad died in March & it’s now 15 weeks since I saw him. On the day he was going to go home from hospital he died & I walked in on him gasping for breath. I then had to call my 3 siblings & my mum to break the news that he was dying before having to call them all again to tell them he’d gone. Nothing prepares you for the pain it brings & numerous other horrible afflictions. People have been lovely but as you say they’re not living the nightmare. I just want you to kno I understand & I’m sorry about your Dad. Xx
Hi @teaa,
Sorry for the sad loss of your dad.
My mom passed away 2 years ago from brain tumors, as you say, no-one can really understand unless they’ve been through it, even if they do mean well, but even then, people are individuals, who have been through there own experiences, so on some level everyone is different, but you are not alone.
Don’t beat yourself up with guilt, from what you wrote I can tell you love your dad very much, & when we love someone, we do what we feel is best for them at the time, on this level, if there was anything more you could of done, I’m sure you would have. It’s history now, & no good can come from berating yourself about it now, I’m sure your dad wouldn’t want you to.
The first anniversary seems to stand out more some how, I think it’s because it’s the first milestone that says we’ve lasted this long without our loved one, I know it’s disheartening. On the anniversary of my baby’s death, I write to him, I find this therapeutic. Take care, sending hugs of support.
This could have been written by me with a few changes, I also lost my Dad last June, after a short illness, 9 weeks. It didn’t feel short at the time, it felt like it had been going on forever, I can count on one hand how many hospital visits I missed and only them because I wasn’t allowed to visit him.
Dad was almost 87 years old and people say he had a good long life but i still feel he was taken too soon. I have a sibling and mum is still here but I am angry with them because they don’t visit his grave, I go almost every week and leave fresh flowers, I talk to him. I know I am being ridiculous but it feels like they don’t care, although I know they do
I am angry that he left us, I am angry that I didn’t try to do more for him although I know I probably couldn’t have done anything more but it doesn’t stop the guilt
I am angry because I want him back
I miss him ok wish I had more time with him
I have had all the firsts now and that was a hard one, out of them all my birthday was the worst, it felt so so wrong celebrating without him here. My hubby and kids are amazing and have been super supportive even though they too are grieving every bit as much as me. I just want my dad back x