I lost my dad three and a half months ago after he was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer just over a year ago. I’m 22 and was a couple of days into my final year of uni when he got diagnosed. I went to uni 300 miles away, and ended up doing that year of it pretty much all online.
It’s taken me this long to even begin to process the last 14 months, it was a horrific decline and he suffered a lot. It feels so selfish to even say that I struggled with the journey when he went through so much, but I did. It felt like I was running up and down the country to keep my degree work afloat while spending every second that I could with him, and helping with chemo visits, medication etc. at home. I’ve been left with alot of anxiety mainly, and I’m absolutely devastated that he had to endure so much before he passed away. With my birthday and Christmas coming up, it feels like I’m trying to navigate the future without him whilst also processing the past and that’s been really difficult. Thankful that online spaces like this exist to just rant about it.
Hello @Jade177,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Suzy
I feel for you. I went through something similar. I lived 2.5 hours away from my Dad, he was terminally ill and I was kind of the primary care giver. I was up and down the country a lot, I don’t drive and was also studying as a mature student at Open University. It is true it takes a lot out of you, physically, emotionally and mentally. Don’t feel bad for saying you suffered too because you did. It’s natural too to be angry and upset about what our loved one went through - my Dads siblings were absolutely awful, really selfish just trying to get hold of his money and I am livid (it’s a year later) that he wasn’t loved or appreciated by them. You’re entitled to your feelings. Sending hugs
Hi Jade, I’m so so sorry, I lost my Dad to Oesophageal cancer around your age too. He also had the some prognosis as your Dad and was with us about the same amount of time since diagnosis. So incredibly hard to see someone you love detereorate like that. It has to be one of the worst cancers going 
I too was trying to navigate my early twenties, moving to London and landing my dream job all while losing my Dad and it was rough.
It takes a long time to come to terms with losing a parent, some days it feels real and then some days it doesn’t.
If you ever need to rant or chat, feel free to reach out! Hope you’re doing ok x