Losing My Daddy

I am just really struggling to cope with the loss of my daddy, my dad was diagnosed with melanoma in 2014 ever since that day my life changed completely, my biggest fear since I was a child was losing my dad and coping with him being so sick really broke my heart…

November 2015 we heard that there is nothing more they can do for him, Christmas eve 2015 my dad had a near death experience and since then he lost his ability to walk on his own, to eat by himself, to use the bathroom, just watching my dad begging God to please heal him crying because he really doesn’t want to die at the age of 50 was heart breaking, he was in severe pain and I would always ask him how he is feeling and I would try and stay positive tell him he really looks good today when deep down I want to break down and cry because I know the end is near, March 2016 my dad went in to a semi coma and he would wake up just to see that someone is there.

He would always say that he is so tired and I would cry because I was not ready to let go I can not lose my hero the 1 person who believed in me, on the 2nd of April I knew the end is near I played him a few songs amazing grace, you can let go now daddy, I prayed to God for stench to tell my daddy that he can let go I will be okay and all I remember is me lying next to his bed for the whole day reading the bible to my daddy begging God to have mercy and take this pain away to end my daddy’s suffering, my dad passed away in the early morning of the 3rd April 2016,to date I still struggle with nightmares of my dads last days on earth and how they zipped him up in the black back when moving him to the funeral home.

I really miss him dearly and someday the pain is so bad that I wish I could just die and end my never ending grieve I feel lost broken, shattered beyond words its so hard coping with the emotional side of the grieving process, how can I get to a point where its okay to talk about my daddy, where I long for him but I can still listen to his favourite song without bursting out in tears?

why is it so hard to move on in life and just be happy???

Hello Dawn, I want to warmly welcome you to our Online Community at this terrible time in your life. I also want to thank you for sharing with us your very personal thoughts and feelings about your Dad.
From everything you say, I am sure that he was so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter as you, to care for him. It must have been agony for you to slowly watch him become weaker, and I am sure that you did absolutely everything you could to help him.
Now it is time for you to start looking after yourself Dawn - it is what your dear father would want you to do. If you have not been to your GP, perhaps you could make an appointment. It sounds as if you really do need support from professional people, to get you through this tough time. Also you may find that having some bereavement counselling will help.
I hope that when you receive messages of comfort from other Online members, you will realize that you are not alone, and that we are thinking of you. With kind regards, Jackie

Thank you so much Jackie, I have been to my GP a couple of times, all they give me is antidepressants and tell me it will get better, and that I should be grateful for the fact that I had time to say goodbye and this hurts so much because no one understands the pain of watching the strongest man Ive ever known wasting away in a hospice bed it makes me so mad because why did he have to suffer he didn’t deserve to die the way he did…

I’ve seen councillors and all they want me to do is write my dad a letter to tell him how I feel I don’t know how I feel, all I can write is dear daddy, and im lost I don’t know what to say after dear daddy!!! I feel lost in a world where I forced to go on as if nothing is wrong I grieve in silence because the world expects me to smile and carry on

My daddy was not biologically my dad he accepted fatherly rights on the day of my birth for 25 years he was the only person I looked at and knew he loves me like his own since he got sick my only wish was to never regret not spending enough time with my dad, I made sure that I spent time with him even when it was really hard I am supper blessed to have had the dad he was to me, and I will spend the rest of my life honouring him in what I do…

its so nice to share my story without being judged because I can not move on and it sounds stupid because he is my dad I should be okay I should be coping but I just am not getting there.

I lost my grandmother 13 years ago she was murdered, it took me 10 years to accept she is gone I thought nothing could hurt me as much as the day I lost her, the da my daddy died a part of me died too and I wish I could take off my mask and smile because I am truly happy

Hi Dawn, I’m part of the Online Community team here and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. Thank you for sharing your story.

It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t have a time limit - it’s different for everyone. Don’t push yourself to do things (like listen to your dad’s favourite song) if you’re not ready yet. There’s no rush to get yourself to that point. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself and giving yourself what you need in this time.

It sounds like you haven’t found the help you’ve had previously useful? There’s lots of support out there, it’s about finding the support that’s right for you. Your GP might be able to refer you to alternative counselling services, and the bereavement support charity Cruse also offer support over the phone, by email, or face to face: http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services/get-help

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You don’t have to grieve in silence. You’re not alone, and I’m really pleased you’ve joined our community.

Take care,

Kate

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Hi dawn lost my dad in very similar circumstances he had lung cancer found out Nov 2015 he took his final breath 2nd June, I miss him so much and have bad memories of his last few days , but I’m trying to think of the wonderful memories there is so many but it’s not easy at the moment, he was the only person that gave me unconditional love and I feel so mad that it’s been taken from me.

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