I am just really struggling to cope with the loss of my daddy, my dad was diagnosed with melanoma in 2014 ever since that day my life changed completely, my biggest fear since I was a child was losing my dad and coping with him being so sick really broke my heart…
November 2015 we heard that there is nothing more they can do for him, Christmas eve 2015 my dad had a near death experience and since then he lost his ability to walk on his own, to eat by himself, to use the bathroom, just watching my dad begging God to please heal him crying because he really doesn’t want to die at the age of 50 was heart breaking, he was in severe pain and I would always ask him how he is feeling and I would try and stay positive tell him he really looks good today when deep down I want to break down and cry because I know the end is near, March 2016 my dad went in to a semi coma and he would wake up just to see that someone is there.
He would always say that he is so tired and I would cry because I was not ready to let go I can not lose my hero the 1 person who believed in me, on the 2nd of April I knew the end is near I played him a few songs amazing grace, you can let go now daddy, I prayed to God for stench to tell my daddy that he can let go I will be okay and all I remember is me lying next to his bed for the whole day reading the bible to my daddy begging God to have mercy and take this pain away to end my daddy’s suffering, my dad passed away in the early morning of the 3rd April 2016,to date I still struggle with nightmares of my dads last days on earth and how they zipped him up in the black back when moving him to the funeral home.
I really miss him dearly and someday the pain is so bad that I wish I could just die and end my never ending grieve I feel lost broken, shattered beyond words its so hard coping with the emotional side of the grieving process, how can I get to a point where its okay to talk about my daddy, where I long for him but I can still listen to his favourite song without bursting out in tears?
why is it so hard to move on in life and just be happy???