Hi there, I honestly do not know if I am coming or going anymore. April 2018 my mam died of cancer a month after diagnosis. I was still trying to come to terms with this and bracing myself for the first anniversary when my twin sister was found dead, aged 51. I already lost a sister in 2008 aged 50 but my twin was so much harder to take in. At the time I had 5 children, 17 to 32, and they all kind of panicked that I would be next so I found myself being their support. At the end of 2019 another sister fought for her life into 2020 against sepsis and won, then Covid struck us all. I was living in a remote village and my kids pushed me to move closer to them so I did.
My youngest daughter, Emily, was disabled so shielded throughout 2020, talking to us via facebook video. We entered 2021 grateful that our family had not suffered any loss through Covid.
Then came the vaccinations… At the end of February my eldest daughter had her first jab while Emily struggled to get hold of her GP to arrange her own only for them to turn up unannounced on the 2nd March to vaccinate her. Emily’s life were her sisters 2 children, she idolised her nephew and niece and them, her. She had been locked up in her flat for almost a year and saw the vaccinations as a way to get out and see her family in the flesh. She was texting with her little brother (18) until 4am on the morning of the 4th March.
After not hearing a word from Emily throughout the day her sister went to her flat and found her in bed, dead.
The coroner has said Emily’s disability does not appear to be the cause of her death and they checked the site of her vaccination. She was concerned enough about how Emily died that she passed her over to another hospital for a pathologist postmortom. As we waited for her brain to be reunited with her body we had to wait until April 20th for her funeral; the same day 3 years on that my mother was cremated.
It is now July and we still await a cause of death! My son turned 19 without his sister (they were really close), Mother’s and Father’s Day have gone by, both bitter sweet days. Another of my sisters had a heart attack and lived, thankfully. Her father and I have just had our first birthdays without one of our children here. Her 29th birthday which falls between my grandchildren’s 11th and 14th is in 5 weeks. All her siblings are devastated and again I find myself fighting to stay strong for them, especially my other daughter who found her sister dead. I am estranged from their father, living alone with Emily’s precious fur baby who I have taken in. I have no one to hold me and tell me everything will be alright because I need to be that person for those around me.
I want to scream from the rooftops about the vaccine killing my baby but I can’t as I do not know if it did. Everyone says 2 days after the jab is suspicious, what is more suspicious is shortly after her death that vaccine was not to be given to under 30’s.
Some days I can almost forget or pretend life is good, other days merely hearing her name or looking at her photo floors me but I hold it in, afraid to let it fully go. I thought losing my mam was hard, it is nothing to losing my baby girl!