Losing my daughter

My daughter died in march suddenly from a seizure in her sleep. I have days where i try not to think about what happened and other days where im just in pieces. Its so so hard. For me its not just losing her but all the other things that go with it. I was her carer, so I now get a 1/4 of what i did and am having to find a job. Theres the funeral to.pay for. You do think about ending it but then you have to think of your family. I have 3 other children and a partner and i couldnt do.it.to them . But can understand why people might think about it. I havent been able to bring myself to go through my daughters clothes and sort things out. Am having to move as house is too big now and i will have to go in there then to sort through things but i dont think im ready. Life totally sucks xx

I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but your focus has now been shifted and I would guess that having been your daughter’s carer you must feel completely lost and uneasy. I cannot say it’s the same for everyone but I found that it helped to get the things done that needed to be done even though I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. It was hard but it removed the anxiety of not doing those things.
I should explain that I lost my daughter 3 months ago and although she was ill for a long time she deteriorated and died quite suddenly. I felt cheated and angry as I had only just spoken to her about what we were going to do on Father’s day which fell on her birthday this year. I was in bits and couldn’t motivate myself to get up in the mornings but I had to work and found myself doing extra work just to keep my mind occupied. I felt exhausted but it helped me while I was trying to come to terms with what happened. I then found that my focus became my 3 sons because they were a very important part of my daughter’s life and that seemed the appropriate thing to do. Yes life is what it is and I have days when I think “what’s the point?” Then I try to think of what my daughter would say as she was a courageous beautiful person and those negative feelings pass. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the hurt but over time I’ll learn to live with it. I hope you can find a way to move forward and I hope that sharing this may help in some way.