Losing my daughter

Hello I am new to this site. I lost my darling daughter on 3rd July last year, she was 41. She had colon cancer but the doctors were treating her for haemorrhoids despite our pleas for her to have a colonoscopy. I watched her take her first breath in this world and I watched her take her last. I am numb most of the time, I have anti depressants to take the edge of the pain but it’s still there. I try to carry on around this big black hole in my heart


I know how you feel, I lost my son to secondary bone cancer he was aged 47 ,he had special needs but was very independent . When he first got pains in the hips spine,they said deep heat and it was muscular. Tried to get physio , they said 3 months waiting list.Pain got so bad he could not get out of bed, got him to hospital they said secondary bone cancer . They could not find primary,then just before he died they said they found a small 20mm ulcer on the lesser curve of the stomach.He died within 3 months, will they ever find a cure. Cancer is so complex, it is the body own cells going wild.I think the only thing we can do is keep pushing the government to put more money into research. By the way my son also died last July,it was the 17th. God Bless you it is a hard time Father’s Day.

I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my beautiful 23 year old daughter to acute lymphoblastic leukaemia in January. She had been doing so well and very close to complete remission. My youngest daughter is my only hope of surviving this awful life. Every day we talk about Victoria and do things for her. Last week we visited her favourite place (where her ashes are scattered) and sent her unfinished upholstery project to a professional for completion. We make decisions every day with her in mind, choosing the things she would have liked. I have to keep busy and need projects to distract me from the disabling grief. It is a comfort she no longer suffers from the pain and fear.

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They say 1 in 2 people are affected by cancer , I just hope more Governments realise we need more money put into research .

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My daughter had an immune system failure and the virus she was suffering from damaged her DNA. A lot of our illnesses are linked to our own immune system. I wish the research took a preventative approach to illness. The treatments are just no where good enough.

My son never smoked,drank,did not like a lot of red meat, he was on long term medication for epilepsy? It just makes you wonder what makes the cells go wrong.The cancer went from his bone into his bone marrow his blood went hay wire. Our own bodies can do very bad things.

Hi I’m so sorry for the lost of your daughter, my daughter lost her battle with acute leukemia on March 16th she was 38. I’m finding it very hard to except that she has really gone and I just miss her so much. Xx

It is very hard,still when I go shopping,I think Chris would have liked that.Yesterday my husband had a appointment at one of the hospitals my son was at. When we were going out of the hospital there was a man trying to get people to sign up for the London air ambulance,we decided to sign up for just £10 per month . He was telling us he lost his daughter suddenly at 18 years old,life is so unfair. Love to you all :heart:

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I am sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. I lost my daughter a year ago next week and I am not strong enough to carry anybody else’s sadness though my empathy is with you and reading through this side there is so much sadness in the world. I will never accept that my daughter has gone I miss her every day and I will live my life out loving my remaining daughter until I can be together with her again. I wish you the very best Minnie33

That is exactly how I feel, Tori is so alive in my heart and in my thoughts my mind struggles to accept what happened to her. I don’t know what to do with my remaining life or how to live it without her. Yesterday was her birthday, she would have been 24 so now, in my mind, Tori is 24 years old but died when she was 23. Sounds crazy, I know. Did your daughter have a long battle with leukaemia? Tori died suddenly with no end of life care. It is incomprehensible the hospital said they did not know the leukaemia had escalated during chemotherapy. :sleepy:

It’s so hard isn’t it, we were so very close, and the thought of never seeing her again is sometimes too much. She had leukemia (cml) for 8 years but unfortunately it progressed to acute leukemia end of last year. She was in hospital for 4 months, had intensive chemotherapy and was hoping for a transplant, but sadly that wasn’t to be. Thank you for replying, I’m so sorry for the lost of your daughter too. X

Thank you, I’m sorry to hear about your daughter, grief is so very hard isn’t it. Wishing you all the best. X

Yes I agree with the sometimes impossible task of going through yet another day with your child. I feel robbed by NHS who didn’t give her the care she needed - if they had listened to me re her bleeding, early 2022 when she had haemorridge, she could have had surgery to catch it and probably have stoma bag, no great I know but at least she’d be here and I could touch her and see her Lovely face again and we could laugh about silly things and go shopping etc cetera. Would have been her birthday on Sunday she would be 42 and then on the 3rd of July last year she passed away. World is so cruel, I am lonely for only her and I feel that I will be forever.

Negligence in hospitals has become the norm. They just won’t listen. I have asked for a full investigation by three different organisations because Tori’s death was unexpected and she did not get the care she was entitled to under the NHS Constitution for England. It makes dealing with the loss harder but she still has my voice to find justice for the terrible treatment she suffered and at least I will have been able to achieve something for her, even if it is just an overhaul of procedures. Reading your posts makes me determined to get clarity about why she died unexpectedly.

My word, I do feel for you all and I agree unless you have lost a child it’s so hard to describe the pain. My daughter was 35, had additional needs and was my reason for being, we were always together, she became ill in February, got a diagnosis of cancer end of April, confirmed untreatable cancer on 3rd June and died on the 10th June. We placed her ashes in with my mum and dad yesterday. I lost part of me when she died, I’m at a loss now to move forward, now the funeral is over I just seem to be losing the ability to function or I’m unbelievably angry or I’m crying uncontrollably and just want to be with her, she has never been left alone in her life. I have 3 younger ( but adult) children and if it wasn’t for them I would gladly join her

So very sorry to read your message. You have physically lost part of yourself, I did when I lost my eldest, you can’t be the same again. What remains is different and unfamiliar and not chosen. Learning to adapt for my remaining daughter is what I have to do and what my eldest would expect of me. It helps me to carry on doing some of the things she would like and I recognise she is alive in my mind and in my heart. Her voice is strong in me, I will always be her mother and I talk about her often. I see her most nights in my dreams, it is something, but I am haunted by the fact she might have been saved if the hospital had acted.

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Thank you for replying, my daughter’s original cancer diagnosis was PTLD, a lymphoma cancer linked to her kidney transplant 8 years previously, turns out it was a far rarer and aggressive cancer, she had so many horrible procedures as there was a ( never explained) long delay in second biopsy being done, for three months it was treated as d and v virus. Currently I don’t have any energy and I have to return to work next Monday , I don’t want to get another sick note but I’m dreading returning as everyone knew Hollie and she was very popular, we had 120 at her funeral , I barely remember it , I let myself cry, I let myself enjoy being in the garden because I owe her memory all of this

IT is impossible to share how you really feel day after day after losing a child. I have just past the first anniversary and feel that the loss is worse as the time goes by, there’s more unwanted clarity that I won’t see her again in this world though I trust that we will be together in the next, whatever it is, in some non verbal, maybe non visible way but we will sense each other and I will have some peace in my soul instead of this constant longing and loneliness. My best to you all. Cherish those you have left :rose:

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