Losing my father

I don’t know how to speak about how I feel, when I’m said my partner always asks me “what’s wrong?” It makes me feel as though I’m no longer allowed to be sad, like I’m sad time is over. But I can’t focus, it’s always on my mind and I’m so stressed I don’t know how to cope with it. It’s been 4 months, when do I feel okay again?

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Hi, I lost my dad 5 years ago and it still feels like it was yesterday. There is no time limit on grief. How can there be,when 8ts like your being asked to stop loving the person who helped bring you into the world.I never even had the chance to say goodbye to my dad and I was even kept away from the funeral. My husband is an amazing support,but he hasn’t lost his parents yet and I think until that happens it’s very difficult to empathise with someone grief. I completely understand what youa are going through. Every year when it gets close to the anniversary I completely shut down and I feel like it’s happening all over again. I would tell you that although it’s a very personal experience, that you are not alone,and I would say that now, I am finding it easier to carry on with my daily life. Just give yourself time xx

I lost my Dad in Feb hubby in March, grief has no time limit. Unfortunately people move on we in our grief don’t. Take your own time x

Hi aliza,

On monday it’s been 4 months since my mum suddenly and unexpectedly died from a catastrophic brain hemorrhage.
I am still very much in shock and just existing on auto pilot. Time is standing still for me and I simply cannot believe that its 17 weeks since I spoke to her, laughed with her and saw her.
I already know that I will never be the same person and I still cry numerous times a day. I can sit down to my lunch and the tears start flowing. Mum moved in with us a year ago so that she could help me with childcare as well as have company and all help each other. I am so lost without her and must say to myself 100 times a day, I cant believe it.
I went back to work last week and I’ve cried in front of my colleagues. I cry every day in front of my partner and daughter.
In fact, I’ve stopped wondering when this will get better.because I dont actually think it will get better and i will feel like this forever.
This hasn’t brought you much comfort I know but at least you can see how many of us are feeling like you are xx

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Hi, Iost my dad 27 years ago and I still think of him pretty much every day. It’s not raw pain but still a real sadness. My mum passed 3 months ago and I’m still crying, in pain and xant come to terms with it. I guess what I’m saying is grief is ongoing and everyone is different. You cant rush through grief, you have to cry and face to just go through all the awful feelings be kind to yourself and know you’re not alone in feeling like this I too thought j was coping really badly until you read others stories and realise it’s totally normal I’ve just realised grief takes as long as it takes. Take care xxxx

I lost my Dad almost 7 years ago my Mum 2 years ago and the feelings of loss and have never left me ,like others on here who’s partners try to comfort them I find that my wife does her best but both her parents are still with us and I so don,t think she really understand what it’s like to feel that loss .On anniversaries ( their birthdays ,mothers day ,fathers day their wedding anniversary and of course the anniversary of when they died) I go to the garden of remembrance and sit and talk to them it may sound strange but I find it helps get through days I hope that it this maybe of help

My husband asked me last night what was wrong as I was crying. I just looked at him in disbelief. It’s been three months. I have lots of people around me. But people no longer check up on me. No one asks if I’m ok. I feel very isolated and alone.

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My partner often says are you ok or what’s wrong? I say are you kidding? I’m heartbroken steve. 5 months since she passed and I cry as much now as I did then. This morning a card from my mums sister arrived which said thinking of you on your mums special day. Its mums 75th birthday on Sunday. How can it be special when she isnt here? I know people mean well but that card set me off in tears and I will now be down for the rest of the day.
How can our partners even ask what’s wrong? It’s so insensitive and shows why I’m on this site rather than talking to him

I have to admit I’m getting quite cross with the lack of understanding and insensitive comments. Not just from my husband but other people. People who I thought were close friends have not messaged me in months. I’ve been there so much for other people I really felt they would be there for me. I’m just having a bitter day today. Off to counselling shortly. Hopefully get some of my anger out there

Let us know how your counselling goes.
My mum was a sister to 5 siblings and an aunt to 16, I have 5 other families and 14 cousins and lots of extended family and mums friends.
Since mum died I have heard from 2 people. My mums sister and her brother. Not a message from anyone even though I see them on facebook living their lives and celebrating various birthdays and achievements.
I am very bitter joules

Jooles, C1971, My partner has shouted. “what’s wrong with you!” His second comment was i think “it’s no big deal”. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Otherwise, he’s been extremely kind. They are not in the depth of the grief.
i had a friend who sent me a text message re: thinking on you on your Mum’s special birthday day. I hope you get through it!." It did me no good at all. It made me much worse.
I think the majority of people just don’t get it, as they either haven’t gone through it recently enough or just don’t have the experience. I think my brain conveniently forgot how bad grief is after loosing my Dad nearly 20 years ago. Plus, my relationship with my Mum was substantially more close.
Today, my first couple of thoughts were that there will be no more shared moments between me and Mum. I fear I may deeply grieve forever. The relationship with my Mum was so close.
Did anyone find that they were hiding from people in the first month or so? I am. I don’t even want to respond, via email/text. I think I’m in denial, although I’m only too aware Mum has passed.

I’m still hiding from people and it’s been 22 weeks.
Im ok at work now although I get tearful if I see someone that I havent seen since before mum died. I am meeting a friend for dinner tomorrow night. Tell me what you think of this?
My friend has hardly mentioned her mum in the 13 years we have been friends. Hardly sees her and rarely talks about her. They don’t have a close relationship af all.
Anyway when we arranged dinner this week she mentioned that she wants to reduce her hours at work in the new year. I said oh really? Whys that?
She replied I want more time to spend with my mum.
I nearly fell off my chair. I thought it was so insensitive she knew how important my mum was to me and lived with me. I almost felt like it was a dig but maybe it’s just me in my grief. I replied, that’s nice.what a good idea…

Cheryl in my bitter state I would take it as insensitive and as a dig. But in reality she probably saw your close relationship and what has happened to you as a timely reminder so has decided to take action with her own mum . However I still would not say that to someone who has just lost their mum. I want to smack people who mention their mums to me. But they honestly don’t know they are doing it. One of my friends said to me “it’s awful what happened to you. I text my mum every day now and tell her I love her as I’m so scared of losing her now”

I’m sure you are right but my friend is quite a cold person, not very loving with family members.
Maybe you are right and my experience has shocked her into being closer to her mum.
I wouldn’t mention my living parent to someone who has just list theirs but maybe that’s just us because we are more emotionally aware at the moment x

C1971, Yes, it’s insensitive. I had to deal with something very similar via facebook. I think sometimes they know that are causing pain and other times they are just not thinking.
I suppose it depends upon the personality of the friend. In my case, I think my friend intentionally did it.

No big deal daffy?
I don’t think I could tolerate that but aware we are very sensitive and if he is being great in other ways it obviously wasnt meant the way it sounded.
I feel we will all be talking on this site for some time to come!

Hi I totally agree with you, I lost my dad 4 weeks ago and I find it so hard each day is a sad day. My partner has been supportive but I also feel sometimes he just expects me to be all normal and happy and I can’t. He hasn’t lost of anyone so he doesn’t understand but how can he just expect me to be ok? I’m here for the same reason you are. People just see you and ask how are you but you can’t tell them I’m really sad I feel lonely I miss my daddy I want him back. You just have to say I’m ok! Everyday I ask myself is this a bad dream how can he be gone? I have two kids and it’s so hard to be a mummy a happy mummy. All I want to do is scream from anger and then back time! I’m so sorry for what your going through and I’m here going through the same I guess we are not all alone! X