I am submitting this slightly prematurely. My father was diagnosed with brain cancer just over 10 weeks ago. Aside from being my dad he’s also my best friend. We saw each other at least 3 times a week, usually for drinks and we only live around 2 miles apart. We were told 10 days ago that he literally had days to live and his condition has deteriorated so badly now that he can only eat soft foods and can pretty much no longer say a single word.
I’m now living in a bubble where even the thought of going to see him today is difficult as he’s just a shell of the man he once was now. I feel like I’m just waiting on that final call from the care home to say he’s ready to go.
Just curious to know if anybody here has effective coping techniques. My father’s condition is also having a terrible effect on my mother and whilst we try to give her as much of our time and attention as possible my wife has also been battling cardiomyopathy for the last 20 years along with the trials of caring for her own autistic son. We feel physically and mentally exhausted and would appreciate any advice with regard to coping.
Many thanks in advance.
Neil my heart goes out to you, what dreadful time you are having. I really don’t know if there any coping techniques for what you are going through. I don’t think you have time for things like alternative therapies or any form of counselling and along with that is good diet, fresh air and exercise, they all take time out of your already busy life.
They say these times in our life makes us stronger and more resilient but with what you are dealing with would make many of us weaker.
You are a special person and you should be proud of how you are dealing with the difficult situation. Please take some time for yourself and bless you for everything you are dealing with. S xx
Hi @Neil
I’m Kate and am part of the Online Community team, so wanted to welcome you to the community as I can see that you are new. Thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling following the terrible news your dad has recently received. I’m so sorry to hear about this and how you are feeling. Many community members have sadly experienced similar situations and so will understand some of what you are going through. You may find the topic ‘Terminal illness’ helpful to be able to chat with others who will understand what you and your family are going through: https://community.sueryder.org/c/terminal-illness/12
I am sharing some other good places to get support which I have listed below:
Marie Curie offer terminal illness support
You may also find Carers UK helpful while you are supporting your dad
At a Loss helps people to find bereavement support close to home (if available). They also have a number of helpful bereavement resources here.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Kate
I am so sorry Neil. And truly hope your father’s prognosis wasn’t quite right.
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in December and we knew it was a death sentence. There is no coping mechanism you just have to be there for your parents when you can. Try to carve out any moments for yourself (screaming in the car when i left their house helped me!) And absolutely take one day at a time.
It was only a week after my father died and I heard an ambulance siren (I live near them) did I realise the relief I felt knowing it wasn’t going to his house.
Treasure every moment no matter how different your dad is now xx