I lost my daughter last year and it’s coming up to which would have been her first birthday. I’m not sure really how to deal with it. She is my first child and after losing her my life became unclear.
I’ve started having lucid dreams where I can physically feel her and waking up to parts of my body where I held her in my dreams very warm like she was still there.
Nights became harder and harder and everytime I close my eyes I see her.
I remember everything. The day she was born, the 13 days I got with her, the day of her death and the funeral.
Im not sure how to even process it anymore. I thought I had accepted what had happened and could deal with it myself but recently that got a lot harder and now I can feel myself falling into a hole.
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, @Lxkas. I can hear the pain in your words. You are not alone - sadly, many of our members have lost a child and will understand some of what you’re going through.
You’ve said that you’re not sure how to deal with your daughter’s first birthday. We have a support page on coping with important dates that you might find helpful to read.
I also wanted to let you know that The Compassionate Friends have a grief companion scheme. A grief companion is a volunteer parent whom have also lost a child. They are not counsellors and nor are they formally trained, but they will offer you an opportunity to share your grief and experiences. They will ‘walk alongside’ you and be a listening ear and an understanding friend. If you’re interested in finding out more, they have more details on their website.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to share those links with you.
Take care,
Seaneen
Good morning @Lxkas
I’m so sorry for you loss of your daughter, it’s such a cruel world 
She is probably coming to comfort you in your dreams 
try and take comfort in that. She will also wait for you in the spirit world, untill you join her. She will also be looking down on you and hoping for you to be strong because she wouldn’t want her mummy being so heartbroken.
Do you have friends or family you could reach out to? Maybe talk to your gp or look into brevemment support. It is good that you recognise that you need some help.
Sending love and hugs xx
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Thank you. I appreciate the words. I feel like she is still trying to connect with me especially as being a first time dad she instantly became my world.
I never really process what had happened after I lost her so never really knew what to do
I’m trying to get ahold of the gp to see if I can get any help as I think it’s time to get some help
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Sorry I assumed you were her mum 
Try and embrace it when she connects with you, she will be trying to comfort you. Even though shes not here with you in physical form, she’s all around you be open to it and you’ll always feel her.
Well done on reaching out and looking for support.
If you want to talk, keep reaching out, don’t mind if you pm. Nothing is silly and anything can be said. Grief is really difficult and we shouldn’t be worried about how we are feeling or thinking
X
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