Losing my friend

In august 22 I lost a friend, we lived together for 2 years & he really was one of the best people I knew. It’s been a really difficult time recently, I’ve not really allowed myself to miss him, I’ve just told myself he’s still here, he’s just in a. Different city & he’ll message me soon. I think 8 months have gone by and it’s started to set in, he really is gone.
The worst part of it all, to taking his own life; he felt so alone and I had no idea. It breaks my heart that we spoke the morning he chose to go and I went about my day not knowing.
I’m struggling to know how to move forward knowing he isn’t coming back. Last summer we spent everyday together and the memories are here but I can’t help but feel guilty for continuing…

Any advice would be appreciated, I really just want to make him proud :green_heart:


Hello @Mollsjs So very sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Sue Ryder do offer bereavement counselling here is the link to get started. Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder
Do you have friends and family close by that you can talk to and do you feel able to have a chat with your GP as they may be able to get you some face to face counselling if that’s what you want. I can only imagine how many questions you must have. There are people on these forums who are a lot wiser than me and who will hopefully offer some better advice than I can, but I just wanted to say, you’re not alone, keep posting and asking questions and I hope that you can get the answers you’re seeking. Best wishes.

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My mom passed away 2 years ago, & after she passed, I let my brain believe that she was visiting my aunty, but this meant I was waiting for a call I knew deep down would never come, it’s a coping mechanism. 2 years on I’m finally allowing myself to grieve, & I’ve stopped waiting for that call. There’s no time limit to grieving, when we lose someone, it takes time to process, especially with your friend going so suddenly & unexpectedly, that’s a big shock.
In my teens I had 2 suicide attempts, so I can say from experience, we don’t tell people how we feel, & we hide how we feel for a reason, so don’t blame yourself, you have nothing to feel guilty for. If it helps, write a letter of what you would want to say to him, or have that conversation in your mind now, tell him how you feel.
As for the memories, & places where you shared memories, it’s totally your choice how to handle these, maybe keeping things in a memory box, so you can choose when you’re ready to process this. Places where you shared memories, the memories will always be there. Give it time, you can’t rush the grieving process, explore how you feel, & how you connect with those memories, there may be times when you don’t want to think about it, & there may be times when they feel like a warm hug, just give it time.