My amazing son who was also my best friend took his own life on Wednesday 11th October. He was only 19 years old.
I am so lost, each day is a living nightmare, every time I wake up I lose him all over again.
I found him in his bedroom and couldn’t save him. I feel so alone and just don’t know how to keep handling this every day.
My wife and friends are being supportive but they have no idea of the pain inside of me and the guilt for not protecting him.
We did so much together and I am missing him so much.
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I am so sorry for your loss and no words can take the pain away. I lost my son in March. I found him as well. All I can say is minute by minute and go with the tears, foggy brain which I had for weeks. Be kind to yourself, try and eat, I couldn’t for days until my partner said I had too, I literally thought I was going to choke. This site is wonderful, keep messaging. It’s my lifeline. Take care x
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Thank you, nothing makes any sense anymore.
It certainly doesn’t as no one understands the pain you feel, plus the shock of everything on top. I thought my son was asleep then realised no he wasn’t. You never expect to do CPR on anyone but the adrenaline kicked in somehow. I will warn you I get really bad flashbacks, so be prepared for them, sorry to tell you that. This site is wonderful and has helped me so much. I really hope you will find it helpful as well. I do t even think to tomorrow anymore. I just do day by day. Please be kind to yourself. Take care
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Nothing will make sense ever again .
Losing a child is horrendous enough .
Add the complexities of suicide and it’s just the worst kind of loss .
I’m 4 months down this road and while it’s still extremely difficult to get through the days somehow i manage it .
It’s not easy and it never will be but the raw grief will become a little softer as time passes .
I was told this early on and didn’t believe it as it was too soon to even think about managing this huge loss .
I understand all the feelings of guilt completely . We have to try to accept those feelings and live with them .
I do find talking to others in the same situation does help so keep reaching out . We are always here .
Take care
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Im so sorry for the loss of your son and in such a tragic way. The grief is almost too hard to bear but somehow your heart keeps beating . You say you did so much together, you should be proud of that
I lost my boy 5 weeks ago. I cared for him all his adult life as he had severe mental health issues. It was brutal cancer that took him from me. I wish you well and hope you find some peace
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I went into the bank today to close my son’s bank account. It was really traumatic as his interim death certificate states his method of death. I kept crying and felt really sorry for the lovely lady at the bank as she got upset when she saw his age.
It’s been a really hard day in general finalising words for his funeral on Monday.
I still don’t want it to be real. I miss him so much. Family and friends keep checking that I won’t do anything to myself which I won’t but I wouldn’t rush out of the way of a falling tree today.
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Its so hard … I said that about trees yesterday, our interim death certificate said needs more information, was not expecting that as coroners assistant said what would be on there. I did all the closures online, couldn’t face going into a branch.
I wish I could say that the funeral will make it real, but it doesn’t 14 weeks in and I still think he’s just at Uni. Take it easy Monday will not be an easy day, but you have survived the worst day of your life.
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Will be thinking of you on Monday. X
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