Losing my Husband and Dad within a month

I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and my dad 3 weeks ago life if unbearable at times.
How do people cope?
Why am I having so many emotions i.e Anger, Crying, Happy and Depressed?

Hello diane773.

I am so sorry to hear of your very recent losses. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

If you feel you may benefit from a little extra support, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement, they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.

I am confident our lovely members will respond very shortly. Please continue to post, as I know you will find comfort and friendship on this forum.

Take care,
Audrey,
Online Community team

Hello @diane773

So sorry for your losses . I lost my husband 12 weeks ago . You will find it’s an emotional rollercoaster and every day is different and you have to take each day as it comes .

It’s so hard at the moment , not being able to see family and friends to support you through this and this is where this site is good . It really is good to share your feelings and to know that we are all going through this horrible journey together .

Be kind to yourself . I get through each day knowing that my husband would not want me to be upset every day x

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I am so Sorry for your loss Diane.
I am in a similar position than you I lost my Darling wife to Metastatic Breast Cancer age 51 last July & my Dad 12 hours later.
7 months later I am still suffering my 14 year old Daughter is handling things better than me.
Take care and stay safe.

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That is so tough… its just ridiculous for you both to have this to deal with.

I almost deleted my post because I am speechless really imagining it… I’m sorry that life was so hard to you… its so cruel. Wishing you some help somehow.

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I have or had good friends I realise people are busy but if it was them going through what I am I would be just putting a text to them once a week just to check they are ok especially during lockdown.
I have 1 particular friend that has been really kind to us & I won’t forget her for that but the others I am not sure.
The trouble as well I have a horrible Mother in law that has treated my wife Tanya & me & Amy my Daughter not very nice she used to catch me on my own & say that Tanya would be in a morphine coma even on Tanya’s funeral she stayed out side & told me I did not do a good Job arranging Tanya’s funeral.

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Dear Geoffs,
That is the most awful thing I have heard. How can she do that, not just to you but to her granddaughter. Granddaughters are so precious (mine is) and she doesn’t deserve her. She must be a very bitter and twisted old woman, and to my mind, sounds as though she needs help. A lobotomy springs to mind! Sorry if I have gone too far but I am so angry. I keep thinking how my girl would feel if i spoke to her like that, and my heart breaks.
It’s a good job she has got you to love and care for her.
I wish I could say or do something to help, but all I can do is tell you that I care.
Enormous warm hugs to you both.
Ann x

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Hi again Geoffs,
After I sent my reply to you, I realised that I was so angry about what was said to Amy that I didn’t mention my disgust that she treated you all that way, including your wife. I am sorry, but to say wat she said about the funeral makes me think there is something seriously wrong with her. As a grandmother myself, if it were me, I would keep her well away from your precious daughter, and from you. What is the benefit of her being in your lives?
Please don’t take anything to heart. I am sure you arranged the funeral beautifully. You will have known what Tanya (I love that name) wanted, and will have done what was best for her.
Ooh, I am seething!! X x

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Hi Geoff life is certainly throwing people alot of curve balls this year. I hope you are ok I’m here if you ever need a chat x

Thank you it means alot to know that I’m not the only 1 going through this

Hi Diane
Thank you I have never hated someone so much not only for what the mother in law said to Amy & myself but the way she treated my wife Tanya she came to my door the other evening as that is as far as I will let here come.
But Amy still wants a relationship with her unfortunately.
It is a shame because any normal person would not be so unkind.
She lives to close to me it is probably 100m away.
She told me at Tanya’s funeral that I done things wrong & she would not come in as she had angry relatives outside that were not invited I invited people that were close friends that Tanya & I would have liked there all I can say is where were these angry relatives when Tanya was ill.
I am so sorry if I come over angry that is not me at all but the mother in law makes me that way after what she has done & said.
Take care & stay safe. X

Hi there I lost my husband on 7th april and my dad passed in the early hours of the next morning. Reeling from the shock of losing 2 amazing men in my life within such a short space of time . Is your mum still alive? My mum and I are trying to support each other as we experience all these complicated emotions and attempt to come to terms with losing our husbands.

Hi Bettyblue
Yes my Mum is still with me but like you I keep a eye on her & go & see her at least every other Day.
Loosing Tanya my wife & my Dad 12 hours later just like you loosing 2 loved ones in such a short space of time I think what have I done so wrong in this world to have that heart break.
I am receiving counselling.
I just wish maybe like you there was visiting times in heavan but I would never leave.
Take care
Geoff.

It is totally devastating . How old was your wife? I still expect my husband to walk through the door. My husband had lung cancer and died in the hospice and I am having a weekly call from the bereavement counsellor. Is it helping you to talk things through. I think it is time and going through all this emotion. I feel a responsibility to my poor mum who is bereft without my dad they were together 65 years

My Wife was 51 & she had Metastatic Breast Cancer that had spread to the bones and later to the liver.
I was told out side the hospital on the phone that Tanya had weeks to live as covid restrictions.
Counselling is hard because it brings up your raw emotions.
Yes I feel the same as when I get home it hits me that Tanya is not there.
I recently rtnd to work after 18 months as I left my previous job to look after Tanya as sitting at home was not doing me any good we also have a 14 year old Daughter.
My Mum & Dad were also together 65 years.
Please keep posting.
My wife came home for 3 days but was so week & ill I could not get pain medication into her she went into a hospice on the Monday afternoon & passed away on the Monday night.
What I would give for her back again just like you with your husband.:broken_heart:

I think we have had a similar journey here and it is such a tough one. My husband had metastatic lung cancer which had spread to his liver. I looked after him at home until it got to the stage where we could not control his pain. He spent the last 3 weeks of his life in the hospice who were amazing but I had to sit and watch him die as he lost his faculties. My dad passed 8 hours later. What a horrible disease this is and so hard for those left behind. You have a young daughter and she will keep you going. My son is 20 and just about holding it together but my daughter is in a terrible mess. Unbelievably hard but we need to keep going and hopefully time will lessen the pain we are currently feeling. Had you been together a long time?

We would have been married 25 years this year.
Yes Cancer is a horrible disease it does not care who you are or who is left behind it is evil & they just can’t fine a cure for it.
I also found my what I called good friends don’t contact me much anymore but I have a couple of really special friends that are there when I need to talk.
I have my wife’s ashes in a casket with personalised photos on in the front room & I make sure I give her a kiss morning & night & tell her how much I love her & miss her.

You certainly find out who your friends are when you are going through this. I have a couple of good friends who have propped me up. How is your daughter coping? Take it easy, take each day at a time. If you struggle to talk to friends ring one of the helplines, sometimes you need to just cry and get it out of your system. I met my husband when I was 20. I miss him so much but he was so ill with the cancer. Look after yourself

My Daughter seems to be ok but if I try to talk about Tanya she shuts me down but that must be her way of coping.
Thank you. You take care as well.

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