Losing my husband my best friend

My husband died following a 4 year battle with terminal cancer. We have 3 children. A 14, 10 and 4 year old. I cannot seem to grieve or cry. I feel numb, lost, empty and I struggle to function with my day to day life.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Feeling numb, lost and empty is what everyone feels at first. The brain is numb from shock. What you are going through is typical of the early stages of bereavement. I assume it’s fairly recently it happened.
You also have the added pain of seeing your children suffering.
I can only say at this moment that you are far from alone. Everyone on this site knows and understands. You are among friends.
It may help to know that grief is a natural process and it’s best if we can go with it rather than struggle against it. I say that because you mention that you struggle.
It may be that my words are pretty meaningless at the moment. My heart goes out to you and my prayers, as I am sure does everyone else here.
Try and be kind to yourself. Your children need you. Take care and Blessings.

Hello jonathan123,

Thank you for responding to my post. My husband died on 12/4/19. I cared for him at home when he deteriorated as he did not want to die in a hospice. That was my desire as well to look after my husband to the end. The children witness all of my husband struggles and quick decline at the end. He had respiratory arrest and was bed bound at the end. He was only 55 years old when he passed. My husband our world our everything.

My children is finding the loss of their dad very hard. It is very difficult to explain to a 4 year old that their dad will never come back. My daughter asked for her dad everyday. She gets really upset when I tell her he is not coming back. Its heart breaking when they say to me " mom I missed daddy so much". I feel so helpless when i see my children hurting and i cant do anything to stop their pain.

I feel that i cannot grieve because i am all that my children got and i need to be strong to look after them. For me, i have a lot of pain and suffering pushed very far away within me that i some how cannot reach. But, that is due to me protecting myself or just cannot deal with it at this present time. At the moment I feel very fragile, confused and weak. I want to be in control of my life but at the minute I feel like I am on auto pilot. It’s pretty hard at the moment.

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. You have been through so much over a long period of time and are still going through it…your own grief at losing your husband and also bearing your children’s loss…being strong for them. It’s no wonder that you are on autopilot and confused.
From what you’ve said it seems that you need help and support…are you getting help and if yes perhaps you need more. Yes your children need you to cope with their grief. You also need to cope with your own grief… having someone to talk to can make a big difference.
You may have a family member, a friend, a counsellor, or someone on this site who you can talk with…or all of these.
Tears, Talk and Time…they all play a part in our grief.
Keep reading and posting here…we are here on different journeys but with a common thread.
Bless you. Sending you positive thoughts.
Annette x

Well done for writing on here. This is a start, also a step forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. This is a process. Eventually you will feel a bit better. Your heart won’t feel so heavy, your head will be a bit clearer. What I do is watch funny films. Films that normally crack me up. If I’m not feeling great, I will laugh. Go for a walk in the park or country side. Being close to nature helps us to be grounded.
Take care of yourself.

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I lost my husband in April .He was 67.I was lucky enough to have had 47yrs with him.
So I can’t imagine what it must be like for you losing your husband so young (bless you).My heart goes out to you .Be strong and remember we are all out here for you.Big hug.x

Hello English Prince 55,
I have found that it is a sad fact that some people always find something to feel guilty about, when someone we love dies.
I felt guilty 30 years ago when my dad died, it was only over a minor thing.
I felt even more guilty when my husband died, 4 months ago, please do not berate yourself, it is all part of the grieving process. Take care,
Blessings, MaryL