Losing my husband of one week short of 59 years.

Sometimes I don’t know what to with myself, I know I am not the only one grieving for my dearly loved husband/wife. It is only just over 5 weeks since he passed away. Some days I don’t feel too bad although I don’t have many days without crying at some point, today I have been fairly calm until this evening and then the tears came. I know I am very lucky, I have 2 wonderful children both in their 50’s and they have sorted everything out for me, I have a lot of friends who ring me regularly, so why am I so devastated, I can answer my own question, the one who I want will never come back, only in my dreams and when we meet again, when God decides that the time is right. How do all of you cope? I read heart rending posts on this forum and yet the bravery shines through, I just want all of you to know that I admire each and everyone of you, may you all find peace. God Bless, MaryL

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Hi MaryL
I think the answer to your question about how do we all cope is simply we have no choice as we are the one’s left behind. We all cope or don’t cope in various stages. Grief is like learning to keep our head above water otherwise we will drown. As time goes by we learn to adapt and to accept our grief rather than fight it. Grief is an outpouring of our love that has to find an outlet. Our loved one’s only left this world physically but their very essence lives in us and our hearts and finding ways to honour their love and legacy is to nuture that love and to keep them alive in all that we do. It is also about accepting they are now at peace and to feel that peace within us x

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Bless you Mary - I’ve read your posts and they all move me. For me it was 40 years, and now it’s nearly 15 weeks. I’ve only had 2 days where I haven’t cried…some days everything sets me off. There are now some days that are bearable. I have a little control now , I had none at first - I can take a few deep breaths and fend the tears off in public - I can sometimes guide myself away from the more painful memories and I can even distract myself for short periods. When the sadness overwhelms me, I often softly comfort myself “it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be alright”. I hold my shoulders tight and rock. I guess I’m kind of pretending but it helps me…This site has helped me immensely and I am so genuinely thankful that I found it. It took me out of the “isolation” of my grief, and helped me to realize that there were others that understood the pain, and that I could freely speak about my own…The bravery does shine through, and it helps light the way for all of us…Peace to us all…

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Gosh, what wonderful messages of hope. I can’t add much more to these words I’m afraid.
We have been thrown into an unknown world that we had no idea about. No idea how hard it would be, how it would change us, how many emotions we would have to go through in a day and what hard work it would be. I sometime think I can’t go on and then I realise I have come this far so I can keep going with the tiny steps. Tomorrow is another day and it just might be a bit better than today on the other hand it might be worse but we will cope, because we have to. Your so right we all understand each other’s pain and fear and it’s good to be able to share. We can help each other or receive help.
God bless Pat xx

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Hello Mary
Just read your message and very sorry to hear of the your recent beloved loss,
I believe we were in contact sometime back, I have personal experience of the loss you have my beloved wife Patricia went to haven 24 April 2016 after 58 years of perfect togetherness, we went everywhere together.

People say time is a great healer and at the moment I have yet to find that. Like you Mary GOD decides when our time is right, we may not like or agree with that however at the time it is hard to understand and accept.

After such a long time together each and every day moments come to light when you shared those moments, moments which and will not be replace by any other moments, even to day I talk to Patricia.

Well Mary I sincerely hope I have not invaded to privacy at this moment in time, so Good day and sincerely GOD bless YOU and hope that you have some reasonable and restful days ahead.
Bryan

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