My Husband died on 25 June at 7.35am he was an alcoholic. It wasn’t unexpected but the extreme emotions I feel are beyond words at times. I loved him and I know he loved me and our children unconditionally but why couldn’t I stop the drinking. He wasn’t prepared to rehab although he was detoxed in hospital twice, but went back to drinking, I endured emotional abuse over many years and we separated for about 1 year. In the last 3 years of his life I became his full time carer as he developed vascular disease and generally had no strength due to his alcoholism I also enabled him so that i could lessen the emotional abuse I received. I feel so empty now, guilty, angry, lost and cry nearly every day. I wanted to share this as any addiction is so complex.
Yes it is complex and you should stop feeling guilty, if he could tell you himself he woul, it’s not your fault!!
For someone to get over addition, they need to want to do it for themselves and it takes a brave person to do this and sometimes they just can’t, the addiction is too strong. It’s a terrible illness.
I bet you did so much for him and he would have been so thankful for that and the live you showed him. Sometimes it’s just not enough.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Hi, my husband died by suicide due to years of battling addiction. It’s the most horrific disease. You could never have stopped it, he is the only one who could have and unfortunately not everyone does. It’s a baffling disease.
Try to separate the person from the illness although it’s very hard at times to notice the difference.
You’re going to need lots of support, I’d definitely recommend you finding your nearest Al anon group. It’s a family disease and it makes everyone sick. The program helps you to get well.
Thank you for responding to my post you’ve been very helpful in what you’ve said and I totally agree with you. I’m so sorry for your loss but it is so baffling I think that is why I feel like I do, as my husband did push a self destruct button and I felt useless. I will make a point of reaching out to al anon
I luckily attended my first meeting whilst my husband was still alive. I found it by accident. At first I went to get tips on how to help him, they install it into you that there is no helping them. Literally nothing can be done. So you can remove any guilt or whatever you may be feeling.
My husband was always on self destruct. He did attend AA meetings towards the last two years of his life. I think he only went as I started getting well going to Al anon, for whatever reason my husband didn’t work the program 100% and would relapse often. I think that is what caused him to take his own life. He literally hated himself in the end. It’s been horrendous all round.
It’s certainly horrendous and has been the last 3 years, as they saved his life when he had 2 heart attacks and sepsis in January 2019. He was read the riot act so to speak many times by professionals. My husband went to AA but it never stopped him, I believe he couldn’t see a life without alcohol as his crutch and I don’t know why. It became part of his existence. He spent the last 8 months in a nursing home that was sympathetic to his condition and allowed him to continue to drink and smoke. When I think back to when we first met he was a functioning alcoholic in the 90s but I didn’t fully understand or see what was occurring.
Well my husband was teetotal when I met him and for 13 years we had the perfect relationship then marriage. He tried cocaine once at a football match in his 30s and it somehow it opened the door to addiction. He then got addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol alongside. It’s literally blew my mind as I didn’t know people could become addicted, I just assumed they were always like that.
He’d have long periods of sobriety and we’d all get our hopes up thinking that would be it, but it never was. It’s been a rollercoaster that’s for sure.