Would have been my husband James’s 74 th Birthday today, I miss him so much.
He died 21 months ago after having sarcoma.
James was a lovely, kind and thoughtful man and we had 36 wonderful years together, many happy memories to treasure and look back on.
Miss having that morning hug and snuggle, having a laugh, visiting places and enjoying time together.
It’s been a long few months, I think I was completely traumatised when he died and on automatic pilot. All I wanted to do was to make sure he had a good send off.
Grief is like an emotional rollercoaster ride, but I think I’m beginning to find some solace now in simple things like gardening and baking.
The most difficult thing to have to cope with is being on my own at home, I don’t have any children and I live in a village which doesn’t have much of a community feel to it, so it gets lonely at times. It’s funny but when you’re a widow some people avoid you like the plague…as if it’s catching!
Ill find today difficult but life goes on.
Hi Susie, my thoughts are with you. My husband Daniel’s 73rd birthday was yesterday, he passed from metastatic bladder cancer 14 weeks ago. A beautiful person and soulmate who I miss terribly. I believe they are still always with us just not in the physical space. I find comfort working in his garden a place he loved.
Hi Susie, Sorry you are feeling so lonely at home. That is a difficult one to ease. I leave Radio 4 on all the time even when i go out so the house does not seem so quiet and empty when I come in. The small improvement for me, was getting some social interaction. Our village has a bereavement cafe that meets once a month, our vicar persuaded me to go. I am not particularly religious but that does not seem to bother the vicar. I am also a member of a book club that meets once a month, it was my wife’s and I only joined by accident. There are other thing going on as well. I am lucky, I have two supportive adult children.
I catch up with an old friend of Elizabeth’s once a week, I took her out to lunch last Friday and we chatted about our lives with Elizabeth, it was good, no tears. The friend had fallen over some months before and broken her collar bone. This has destroyed her confidence and she seems quite frail so me taking her out cheers her up. Yes I will always miss my Elizabeth and always love her, but I don’t need to be sad all the time. Anyway enough of a ramble. We are all here for a chat. 
Hi Gumby, Thanks I am so sorry to hear about your husbands cancer and sad loss.
I hope you got and get support from your friends and family as well as Sue Ryder.
I think the worst thing about when my husband finally got a diagnosis of sarcoma cancer it was stage 4 and had already spread. Suddenly we were lost in all the tests, scans, consultant visits and debilitating treatments and all the time you’re just hoping something will work to stop it…knowing from what the consultants said it wasn’t likely. Sometimes I just think why didn’t we just go on holiday?
It’s horrible because after James died I kept thinking what if, could I have done more, could the doctors have used better treatments…however now I can look back more rationally and accept that it happened, I lost my rock and soulmate and he would expect to get on with life.
He did all the gardening and now I’m doing my best to keep it looking good.
I hope you get solace from your garden.
Hugs, Susie 
Oh Susie, I have been taking my Brother in Law to Radio Therapy for his sarcoma, the prognosis is terminal, His wife, my sister is in a nursing home having had a series of mini strokes, she is non verbal and does not walk or stand. He visits her almost every day, I only go once a week. Some people have it really tough. This on top of losing my Elizabeth, I cannot take much more grief. So I just have to try and look on the bright side of life, as the song goes.
I am so sorry to hear what you say Rob. It sounds really tough for you.
Sarcoma must be one of the least known cancers and here in the UK NICE has very limited treatments for it.
My husband was on “palliative” treatment from the start which took ages to get going first of all a blast of chemo, then a long wait but at least we enjoyed Christmas together, then three months later 2 weeks of radiotherapy which had no effect and then a month later back on a different lot of chemo which had a terrible debilitating effect and within two months he died.
I hope your brother in law is getting the best treatment possible.
I am also so sorry to hear that your sister is so unwell. It must be really difficult to keep going, being there for your brother-in-law and your sister and I hope you are getting all the support you need.
Hugs Susie
I do belong to the WI in my village and we have a pub lunch group as well who meet up every now and again.
This has been a great help to me, although I had to force myself to go out at first, I usually enjoy it
I had a full hip replacement earlier this year and due to recovery I’ve had to spend a lot of time on my own.
I wish there was a “bereavement” group nearby , it would be nice to talk to others in the same situation.
A few weeks ago I decided to adopt a cat from my local RSPCA, he is a great companion.
It does get a bit better as time goes on I’ve just spent a hour or so looking at photos and now my cat’s jumped on me for a fuss. Take care of yourselves 
Susie, yes the should haves are the worst, regrets, guilt. Daniel had one tumor in his bladder. “ gold standard is bladder removal, radical cystectomy” chemo before surgery.
Very invasive procedure, he was a trooper and together we managed it well. All looked good, cancer contained to bladder. Then 6 months later the cancer spread matatized to lungs and liver. More chemo immunotherapy, which caused horrible neuropathy and more. The tumor could have been removed without that horrible surgery which I believe caused the spread. Now he’s gone. Sorry for the rant.
Take care
Today I am just mentally and physically exhausted as his birthday was yesterday, the first without him in 46 years, our 44th wedding anniversary was July 11. These days are so unbearable, I pray for peace of mind soon. Thank you everyone for this space to share. Pamela
Thinking of you at this most terrible of times
Kate